Best Ubermas Post So Far (through there have been quite a few Very Evil ones...)

Shamelessly pirated from Professor Magnus Obsidian at his YouTube Channel.
Follow more of the Professor's exploits on Twitter, and at his Blog.


One is still swamped with End of Year Business, Ubermas Festivities, and a Project Backlog. Need to do something for Ubermas! All the cool Villains are, and One has nothing (yet).

Sinister Ubermas Everyone!
-Lord Malignance

How To Talk to superheroes

It's never easy talking to superheroes. They're playing at being real life comic book characters, in a make believe fantasy world of their own making. Unfortunately, this fantasy roleplay of theirs, happens to impact the real world, and all too often, in a negative and dangerous way. Innocent people's lives are often put in danger, because adults want to play children's games instead of accepting their responsibilities as hard working honest citizens.

Superhero criminals are being found and arrested more and more frequently as their uncontrolled excesses are visited upon real people, going about their daily lives. Just a few found recent examples;

1) Superhero freak impacts thousands in unprovoked traffic chaos.

2) Children, following superhero examples, try and play games with rapists.

3) Doctor dressed as superhero rebuffed when trying to aid an accident victim.

4) Reenactment of superhero self-manslaughter.

5) Arrested for assault, superhero considers suing the city for protecting itself from him.

6) World Famous author, describes first hand experience with the New York Initiative.

7) City attorney calls superhero a "vigilante" and a "deeply misguided individual".

8) Superhero, carrying weapons arrested for assault on Police Officers.

9) Superhero arrested for assaulting citizens.

10) Superhero Breaking and Entering (Illegal) Time index 0:19.

11) Superheroes firing arrows from a bow on a rooftop in a crowded city (Illegal) Time index 0:38.

11) ____________________________________________________________
                                  (it's only a matter of time, isn't it?)


Stay safe America. When you see superheroes, be safe, call the police, and prosecute them for all their crimes. Remember: superheroes are Not law enforcement, and any "command" they give you, you may ignore. If they assault you, or attempt to falsely imprison you, or restrict your freedom in any way, you are free to seek justice in a court of law. We are Citizens, not cowards or fools, to be seduced by their fantasies, or to give up our freedoms, laws, and justice, to their selling of fear.

-Lord Malignance

Court Ordered Public Service Announcement #1

Court Ordered Public Service Announcement #1

Ubermas To Do List: 2011

Lucrezia Borgia

Greetings and Lamentations, I AM Lord Malignance, and you Will Crouch! before me Now!
(Villains excepted of course),

So the year 2011 is winding down, with parties and business (and business parties) to attend to. There is the Villain's Holiday of Ubermas to be about, and as it has been declared, the most Unholiday is upon us. This year, as is the tradition, there are many activities to avail Oneself upon, and these form a tentative Ubermas To Do List for Oneself;

The Feast
Probably Lair Offsite, Diabolical Madame X to attend.

The Skullian Pranks
Recognizing the Fun the White Skull had last year. Something bizarre and Addamsesque. Not sure what yet.

The Selling Out
One doesn't actually offer any Products and Service (at least none that One advertises about), so will direct you to ROACH for the T-Shirts, or the Leader Der Sturmer, who has a book to please consider for yourself (find him in Facebook).

The Toast of Borgia
Wine left in goblets for the Ghost of Lucrezia Borgia near the basement trapdoor. Watching mirrors for her possible appearance.

Attempts of Daring
Cookies? Can One do cookies? Perhaps a Carol, or piece of music? A Poem perhaps? One will have to see.

The Boasting
There is a "Villain of the Year" contest going on in Facebook, and One is not being worshiped. Me! So, yes, that's going to happen.

The Opulence
Yet another Feast, this one at the Lair. Business associates - so basically, the silverware is counted before anyone is allowed to leave. Some beast must be prepared - something crazy. Last year it was Elk. This year, One is angling for Moose. You can purchase these meats at a Butcher's. One has that particularly city liberal attitude about killing: Can't do it myself. Perhaps a goose?

The Dancing
Yes, and there will probably be drinking and cackling. The less said about this, perhaps the better.


To all the Villains, in whatever ways you celebrate,
Sinister Ubermas !


-Lord Malignance

Episode 2: Evil Blood Runs Badder

Episode 2: Evil Blood Runs Badder

Courtesy of RedBaroness1000 on YouTube


And Episode One: Kidnapped

Courtesy of RedBaroness1000 on YouTube

One is deeply honored to have been given the opportunity to participate, and extends true gratitude to Octavius Fong, the Baroness, Kaptain Blackheart, Golden Don, Professor Plague and Henchman.


One is imagining that right about now, somewhere, there is a website aborning....

-Lord Malignance

Example of Why Villains are More Fun

"Ainley's great love of the role is often cited in documentaries and DVD commentaries. Script Editor Eric Saward claimed that he introduced himself over the phone by saying "This is the Master" and then would laugh. In the commentary and documentary for The Mark of the Rani, both Colin Baker and Kate O'Mara say that "He only ever wanted to play the Master". Colin Baker remarked that he could afford this luxury because he had built up a private income by the mid-1980s and had inherited a considerable sum of money from his father."


Source: Wikipedia

Good Morning Voldemort!

Courtesy of weareactualsize on Youtube. 

-Lord Malignance

Malignobots in a Competitive Market Place of Villainy

Insectophiliac Builds 12-Foot-High Spider-Bot

• By Scott Carney  
• February 28, 2011  |  
• 12:00 pm  |  
• Wired March 2011

Photo: Guido Vitti

Jaimie Mantzel takes self-reliance very, very seriously. The reclusive inventor constructed a workshop from scratch in the rugged backwoods of Vermont, cutting logs into broad boards with a homemade band saw. The purpose of that workshop? To build—on his own—a 12-foot-high spiderlike walking robot capable of carrying a human pilot. It’s a monstrosity Mantzel is creating out of equal parts metal and passion: Every runner, joint, and gear will be shaped by hand.

Mantzel has documented his project on YouTube, garnering more than 2 million views. The first videoshowed a toy-size prototype scurrying across the floor. The latest shows a towering monster. Since the hexapod design is basically a round body bristling with appendages, turning is a breeze: The control platform in the center will simply rotate above the legs—wherever it is facing is the new forward.

After more than three years of toil, Mantzel is still trying to get the bot up and walking. “Honestly, there’s no way in hell I’m getting on that thing till it’s well tested; it’s kinda scary,” he admits. At first it will be six-legged baby steps, directed by remote control. If it looks stable, he’ll climb aboard. Mantzel envisions the contraption eventually pulling lumber up the muddy track to his house—a handmade dome structure, natch.

Whether or not he turns it into a cargo transporter, Mantzel’s dreambot is making waves. A British toy manufacturer that saw his videos is now planning to put bite-size versions on store shelves. When the Giant Robot Project is complete, he says, he’ll go lie on his trampoline and dream up another ambitious endeavor. He has no specific plan yet, but he does have a working title: “Project Bite Off More Than I Can Chew.”

Tags: insects, inventor, robotics, robots

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• Permalink

Shameless Screen Grab courtesy of Wired Magazine. 

"People" (the so called "Those who will be ruled under my Merciless Cruelty") quite more often than you might imagine, call me "Mad". 

Like that's a bad thing. 

One is not the only Villain working on pitiless robot armies.

Ok, One is working for numbers over size, and basically stealing all my ideas, but still. The odds are that SOME Villain, somewhere, is going to unleash a robot horde on the world, at some point in the future. 

Why not Me? 

-Lord Malignance

The Third Annual Grand Master Calamity's Halloween Super Villain Challenge

Greetings and Lamentations!

There has been the First Challenge, and the Second Challenge, and now, honoring the traditions of our culture, it is time once more for the First Challenge of Villainy.

Long ago, at the beginning of the Modern Age of Villainy, a great unknowable mystery moved within the ranks of Villainy, bringing fear to the hearts of heroes, and inspiring many a Villain to strive to be more... unknowable.

This harbinger of unfathomable secrecy was the man(?) known as Grand Master Calamity, and though out of respect for his wish to remain a myth is upheld throughout the year, on this upcoming Villainous Holiday, we celebrate Evil, and his malificent contributions. And so...

The Third Annual Grand Master Calamity's Halloween Super Villain Challenge!

The Rules (though as Villains, you will be expected to break them as you see fit);

1) A picture taken outside of your lair posted, possibly taking advantage of the Halloween opportunity.

2) Points are given for theme, and for daring. Obviously anything Evil (but Legal!) is always appreciated. Anything bold, and uncompromising also.

3) Agent Beryllium, Aluminum Chef, and Fatal Phyllo KILLED, the first year, and set a high standard to attempt to reach. Malvado won last year, and One has lost both years (Year1 and Year2), and is thirsting for a chance to finally achieve victory, and salvage my reputation. Just because One hasn't yet won, don't YOU be deterred: You don't have to exceed the best Ever, just the best this year.

4) Judging is by community accolades. If you must cheat, cheat with style and don't get caught. Payoff witnesses, and bribe and blackmail as you must.

5) If you photoshop, make it a convincing conterfeit, or dazzle with style.

6) If you are a screaming megalomaniac in a snowstorm losing your mind due to frostbite, limit your attempts to only a few.

7) Have fun. None can judge you, save yourself (and that pesky "World Court") and none to think less, should you not participate. Again, as a Villain, it's entirely up to YOU.

The judging is held in the earliest part of November, and if someone would like to be Judge this year, you are welcome to enjoy the power. One hasn't lost and yet been the judge because the contest was ever even close. One has lost spectacularly both years, by people much more talented than Oneself. As you know however, One IS a competitor and enjoys the opportunity to once again challenge worthy Villains.

May the most Evil among us all Win!


-Lord Malignance

Villains keep catching, re-purposing, and destroying my Malignobots!

ALL the secrets of Villains will be MINE one day.
-Lord Malignance

Blogpost 500 and Malignopalooza

Great Evil Below, it burns the throat and makes your teeth feel strange..

"Greetings and Lamentations," 

And with these words two years ago today and 500 posts, the Reign of Lord Malignance began.

Two years of consistent challenge to the superhero movement. 
Consistently the argument has been made and successfully employed, that the truth is the most successful weapon. Wielded by reasonable arguments, siting specific facts. Wherever heroes have been confronted with this tactic, they have retreated. When asked to explain themselves, heroes either run away, or threaten. If you can't accept a challenge to what you claim you believe in, or what you say, can you even claim that you do believe?

Two years of seeing the RLSH break up into smaller and smaller pieces and their paragons brought low. 
Two years ago, Master Legend was a Rolling Stones article darling, who was held up by heroes as their greatest asset. Tothian was leader of some hero group or another. Zetaman was the big dog with his organization. Heroes in general were upfront with their goofy charity work, and their forums were open. The ArchNemesis was the Bodhidharma of superheroes. Today?

Two years of reaching out and inviting new people to embrace the dark communion of Villainy. 
Take a look at a number of Villains blogs, and often you will find Oneself there as a follower. One reaches out to Villains on Twitter, Myspace, Facebook, Wordpress, the Googleverse, and anywhere where aspiring Villains may be found.

Two years of Defending Villainy and Supporting its' Members. 
If you've had a project as a Villain, One has supported you in it's development and operation. Not for Oneself or for my own benefit, but because it is the Evil thing to do. Where threats arose, One was vocal in their criticism. Where there had been friction, One worked to ameliorate it. When there was a void to fill, One stepped in and attempted to fill that void.

Two years of discipline to a clear vision and a greater cause. 
There has only ever been one Lord Malignance, and no others. While others oscillate between states, One maintains a consistent reasoned approach to the work. One blog, Truth to Villains, Courtesy to adversaries, and reasoned disagreement with the very value itself of superheroes.
(Except maybe Baron Terror. It's a case of someone "doing" Lord Malignance better than One does).

Two years of fending off Trolls and Dangers to Villainy both without and within. 
A disagreement within Villainy? Private channels first, and if those fail, then whatever restricted channels One may employ. Even this blog if all else fails. One does not have associations with heroes in any form. (Though One does respect Silver Sentinel, and enjoys the adversarial relationship with the ArchNemesis.)*

Two years of carrying a Torch for the Baroness. (Call me)
By now, she must have noticed me? That fraud Cobra Commander is such a shameless hack (for the record: Trustfund Baby).

Two years of evaluating and incorporating new technologies. 
Quite a few, and not all ready to be released. A new Website Portal is in the works, and it's running waaaay behind schedule. Artists!

Two years of respecting confidences.
No emails posted (w/out written consent). Never a real name used, ever. Confidences shared, always kept secret. How many Villains do this?

Two years of causing weaklings Screaming Fear. So much so they flee before my approach. 
How can you stand up, boast as you do, and then run away when questioned? The superheroes do this all too frequently, and it is consistently rewarding to watch them scamper to their nests. They'll claim they're all they say they are - so much better or worse than anyone else, and yet, when challenged to explain themselves, they insult, demand, and then run away. Are these things they profess with such authority and passion things they actually believe in? Or is it act. Is there anything they actually believe in?

Two years of ear bleedingly bad videos which everyone hates. 
You hate them too.

Two years of consistency. 
It's still the same Lord Malignance, no exceptions, no reinvention, no substitutions. One has claimed that One is an insane Megalomaniac with a candy-bar fueled bipolar disorder (Superpower) but on review, you will find the same course of action and the same standards upheld throughout all this time. One does not lie about other Villains or to other Villains, spread rumors, or betray Villainy in the camps of heroes or trolls. A friendship made is a friendship kept, until it can no longer be sustained.

Traditions Developed, and Upheld. 
The Accounting. The Ides of March. Concentrated Evil. Malignopalooza. The Master Calamity Halloween Challenge. Ubermas. Not all mine of course, but put out there and supported for all of Villainy to enjoy. Together we create these things and together we enjoy them.


A third year stretches out before Oneself, and in this year One hope to have even greater success, building on what has worked in the past, and removing that which has not. Better solutions are needed, and these One hopes to develop.

-Lord Malignance

* Disclaimer: There are a few heroes who appear as "friends" in Facebook. These are merely interesting people who One finds entertaining to read. It should not be understood to mean an association in anyway other than the nature of Facebook's virtual structures. 

State Of Villainy, 2 More Days Until Malignopalooza, and What Is a Villain

Greetings and Lamentations, I AM Lord Malignance and you WILL Crouch! before me Now,
(Villains excepted if they can figure this out for themselves)


State of Villainy
Last year at this time One did a report on the State of Villainy with a recounting of our history, and hopes for the future. One was speaking of a so called "Golden Age of Villainy" where Villainy would be more approachable to a wider marketplace. A year has gone by, we have seen Villains go and Villains return, and overall the quality of our talent continues to improve. We have kept our most valuable assets, lost some potentially promising new Villains, and seen the return of the White Skull, and the addition of Agent Wraith.

There has been strife: When One left in March for the Accounting, a responsibility One must fulfill each year, there began an event known as Toxic Codependence. From this emerged the BE Age of Villainy - a time of Healing and Improvement. This however has failed, due to the actions and intentions of one Villain, who incorrectly believes that they and theirs alone are creators and sole due beneficiaries of all of Villainy. One has tried to bridge gaps in Villainy, forgiving, communicating often in ignored conversations, and apologizing for any small or perceived infraction to no avail. A weeks tribute of posts, and other kindnesses scoffed at. One has exceed courtesy and better judgement to rebuild rifts and One has failed.

The Flakk Baton: An entirely imaginary object and responsibility, once carried by another, and later by myself, has been passed on. The fictional responsibility now rests with the instigator of the stife. They are now responsible to Protect Villainy and Support it's Members, and may now take responsibility for their failures and be held accountable. One will now instead join the gallery and follow the examples that have been set by others. Other Villains, One might point out, tear down, and Lie about others for their own twisted amusements. The Flakker is Dead. Long Live the Flakker!

Innovation: Fourth Estate and Level 3 supervllains. Two options were developed this year for Villainy. An environment for creativity free from the concerns of the superhero community called "The Fourth Estate", and a class system designed to identify and collectively amalgamate villains from  MetaVillains to LARPing playthugs on Facebook.

The Fourth Estate would allow Villains to find areas in the mindscape of Villainy and explore what it means to be a Villain. To develop and innovate new strategies to broaden our appeal to a wider audience.

The class system fosters the idea that it is in fact a worthwhile pursuit for Villains to play games of Seduction and Betrayal with superheroes by befriending, collecting, and then using their personal information for blackmail or for the Lulz. The plan selectively chooses to forget that this will in turn be done back to Villainy, starting with our most vulnerable members. The superheroes outnumber Villains by factors of (ballpark) 100 to 1. One doesn't bet on long odds with friends safety. It only takes one Cloud Starchaser to bring harm to people who are friends.

R.O.A.C.H.: The Potentate has ceded his waning interest in ROACH to contributors who now demonstrate the worthwhile value of the organization. May they experience every success they deserve.

Facebook Villains and the Legion of Doom: New avenues for villains exist in Facebook as they have in Twitter. New communities of villains striving also to define what it means to be Evil. What can be seen are people who put -RLSV after their name and claim full title as Villains without any effort, concept, resume, or body of work. One thinks in future, all new villains should be identified as "Henchmen" for one year of work in an established location. They call upon no battles fought, no writings, no conception of Villainy or Evil - just  nerds roleplaying.

Going Forward: One does not carry the Flakk Baton any longer. One is just going to do what One wants now, and allow the BE Age to continue on it's course. In another year we'll stop and take a look at what Villainy has allowed itself to become. In the meantime, there will be more Shameless Screen Grabs, and commentary on whatever catches One's fancy. And snark, because snark is intellectual laziness.
Yes.


2 More Days Until Malignopalooza
One has prepared the Cognac and the cakes are on order. There will be celebrations throughout the Lair as Lord Malignance finishes a second year, and begins a third. There will be "roaming meetings" (department mini parties) where One will grace staff with The Presence and allow them to crouch and demonstrate respect. This has the added benefit of allowing One to mooch their party foods and bestow upon them the opportunity to make tribute. It's a win-win all around. After the Debauchery (Offsite Night Parties - don't ask), One will be taking a well deserved vacation. One will still post - it takes literally No Thought at All to post Shameless Screen Grabs of other peoples work and offer your two second opinion. It's filler until other work can be brought online, or True Value can be created.

What is a Villain
A response to a post by another Villain at another site.

In the Marketplace of Ideas, many different ideas about what Villainy is or can be are allowed and encouraged. However, and this is very, very, simple to understand: Villains create, Henchmen tear down. If you want to surround yourself w/greedy offensive liars who are self serving backstabbers, you will create nothing and remain an unknown. Even if you have been doing this for years.

What has ever been achieved by these standards? These following are specific examples by this Villain with his own application of his professed Villainous aptitudes;

1) Legion of Doom? ~1 Month along, and the Leader has been deposed. This will be a trend. Now led by a Villain with an entire history in villainy of 1.5months. This too will be a trend, as no one will stay long enough to develop character - why should they? Each one turning on each other over and over again building towards nothing but infiltration and betrayal. The enemies are outside the front door, not within - this is Villainy 101, but the infighting by liars and selfish interests keep villains from seeing this.

2) Drive Master Legend off Blogtalk Radio. He was back a week later with a larger audience. He should thank villains for helping him, by making him seem like the reasonable one. You made Master Legend seem like he was right and smart. He couldn't have done it without you.

3) Zetaman Retires. You've just given Zetajesus his second or third resurrection. Now when he says he's a martyr he can point out examples. Excellent! He's not a showboat glory hound, he really IS struggling against the odds/bad people. He's a hero! Someone put a camera on him - thanks to villains.

As to being a nerd pretending to control armies - you perhaps speak only of personal experience. One actually has an agenda and a purpose and it is not to have imaginary armies. And attention is not sought, it is only a means to an end. This may change going forward (One has gifted this resource to others generously in the past). One has preferred  instead to see the work of others flourish. There has been no marketability nor desire for same from Oneself. There are no mugs, or t-shirts, no attempt to be interviewed or to lead. The whole assumption that all Villains are in it for personal fame is an invalid assumption on it's face (and transparent rhetoric at that). One doesn't desire attention or recognition, other than that it serves a purpose. That purpose has been to guide newcomers into Villainy, and to guide (not "demand" and "dictate") a greater purpose.

A purpose of fulfillment of desires. Villainy as art? Right here. Villainy as Social Statement? Right here too. Villainy as Dire Adversaries of those stupid weaklings the superheroes - making trolling a legitimate sport? Right here. Villainy as socially responsible and contributive? Right here also. Villainy as a place for people to join in community? You can't go wrong. Villainy as the supreme dickish judges of humanity upon high? We can do that too.

As to a need and use of a "Code", to state otherwise is gross ignorance of history and demonstration of weakness. There are codes to association to every organization that strives to accomplish any activity. This has ever been so in all of recorded history. Criminality, Politics, Science, Prison, Government, Secret Societies, Religions, Military and Unions as easy and applicable examples to this vocation. The only ones without codes - the true tools to be used for their sociopathic advantages are henchmen (No offense to henchmen). When you need expendable labor, you use henchmen -that's what Villains do. Henchmen can't rise beyond their station because they have the qualities of lying, treachery, backstabbing, cruelty, and a general lack of imagination. They may be managed only as purpose driven instruments for if left to their own means, they would war with each other in unprofitable games of subterfuge. They need to be used and directed, and Villains need to use them. But there are No Villains who are successful long term who do not cultivate and maintain alliances built on degrees of respect and trust. There are no businesses that do not do this. To say otherwise, is embarrassing to any who know the worlds of commerce, trade, justice, and negotiations.

If you don't think there are rules to live by, you are pretending  you don't believe there are laws or codes of morals that quite frankly absolutely DO govern your life. For example, go nude. Just try it - you will find quickly how much freedom you will Not have. To pretend otherwise as if ignorant of these obvious facts, is irresponsible, naive in the extreme, and embarrassing to hear. "Every success they deserve".

-Lord Malignance

Status Update

Lord Malignance, Merciless Tyrant of the Colorado Holdfast

Greetings and Lamentations, I AM Lord Malignance and you WILL Crouch! before me Now
(Villains excepted of course).

With the upcoming Second Annual Malignopalooza, Year3 of the Evil of Lord Malignance about to start, and this being the BE Age of Villainy (a time of Healing and Improvement), One will be taking these opportunities to rework some of the work One does in Evil after the Malignopalooza blowout. And a Vacation (Finally!)/recovery.

Some Upcoming Plans and Plots;

Web Design is ongoing for the New and Improved Lord Malignance Website:
(Logos are being crafted, developed, evaluated, and selected).

Embrace the Malignance (this Blog): will have some redesign of the offerings - "Hall of Evil", "Villains Who Inspire", and "Internet Tools for the Wicked", etc. If you see a way things can be improved, or have suggestions, they are certainly welcome. One would also like to see some kind of banner and theme reworking, but time will tell.

Youtube: One consistently hears the gentle suggestions that One makes terrible, horrible, brain destroying videos. And yet, in Villainy, One makes Videos. Improvements are always under way. If you doubt, look at the earlier videos, and let your brain melt with the sheer horror.

MySpace: MySpace needs to curry One's favor more. The Adspace is oppressive for the value of their service. Still, it can be spruced up some.

Facebook: One is on vacation from Facebook until the LARPing villains (One knows, kettle/pot) either destroy themselves or evolve. One will not have their weakness associated with Oneself. Villainy is more than 5minutes creating an Evil name and adding -RLSV to the end of it. You earn your reputation through time and effort, and a Peerage and association with Lord Malignance is not given easily, nor lost quickly. To choose not to associate, also offends villains, and you Never want to offend villains - for they may be tomorrow's Villains. So One waits.

Twitter: One needs to spend more time in Twitter cultivating relationships. There is much that can be done here.

New Technologies: GoogleApps, Second Life, Mobile Apps, etc, are always being discovered and evaluated. New opportunities and social networks as they are reviewed in this manner (Villainous security being what it is).

Older technologies; Some not used, may be evaluated, or eliminated. There are some odd structures that have been setup that are obsolete, or need to be brought into function.

Staff: 

Ghost of Nixon is moving onto other adventures, and One wishes him success in his future. Bob is still (likely) in Juarez, Comrade Cocoa still guards the Lair, and Diabolical Madame X is still failing Minion Training.

-Lord Malignance

Happy First Annual Villaindependence Day!

Welcome to the First Annual Villaindependence Day - a day to celebrate Villainy in America. New Fun, New Traditions, and New Surprises as the day goes along.

Wherever you are, and however you wish, have a Happy and Safe Fourth of July. And IF you are a Villain - Happy Villaindependence Day!

Animal Brains inside Other Animal's Bodies - It's SCIENCE!

One Animal's Body, Another Animal's Brain

By Miss Cellania in Animals & Pets, Mentalfloss, Science & Tech on Jun 9, 2011 at 5:05 am

Recent advances in genetic research have allowed scientists to grow the brain of one animal inside he body of an entirely different species. Is this the dawning of a new era or a scene out of

The Island of Dr. Moreau?

The idea of splicing animals together isn’t a new one The ancient Greeks fashioned a chimera out of a snake, a goat, and a lion; the Japanese made a baku out of an ox, an elephant, and a tiger. Even today, people are inventing new creatures -only now, they’re using a lot more than their imaginations.
Just ask biologist Todd Streelman. Inside his lab at Georgia Tech, Streelman successfully bred a living animal with the brain of anther species. He started with a cichlid, a type of fish found in Lake Malawai, at the southern tip of Africa’s Great Rift Valley. Over the past 500,000 years, hundreds of different species of the cichlid have evolved from a single ancestor, with each new species developing a distinct set of jaws, teeth, brain, and behaviors to fit their respective environments. Streelman took two species of cichlid fish -rock-dwelling cichlids and sand-dwelling cichlids- and figured out a way to grow a sand-dweller’s brain inside the skull of a rock-dweller. From a distance, that might seem like a simple trick in cross-pollination. But it’s no small feat when you consider that the brains of the two creatures are as different as those of chimpanzees and humans.

Todd Streelman

ANIMAL CROSSING
How’d he do it? The trick to Streelman’s success was figuring out how (and when) the brains of different species distinguish themselves during embryonic development. In the earliest stages of life, the brain of almost every animal starts out looking the same. It begins as a small sheet of rapidly dividing cells that are not yet designed for different functions. But this sheet of cells eventually rolls into a tube, and the cells turn into different types of neurons. The neurons then slowly forms connections uniquely tailored to the creature’s lifestyle. In humans, for example, the brain develops a large cerebral cortex capable of processing language and consciousness. In various species of cichlid fish, the forebrain changes and grows depending on its future environment. More specifically, the sand-dweller’s forebrain develops a large hind region for surviving in open water, while the rock-dweller’s forebrain develops a large front region to navigate Lake Malawi’s murky, cavernous bottom.
In both species, the size and shape of the forebrain is determined by the expression of a gene called Wnt1. In sand-dwellers, this gene sends out a strong signal, while in rock-dwellers, Wnt1’s signal is weak. As part of his study, Streelmen took rock-dweller embryos and placed them in water treated with lithium chloride -a salt that’s known to increase the strength of the Wnt1 signal. This caused the rear section of the rock-dweller’s brain to grow until its brain looked like that of a sand-dweller. In other words, by simply  changing the expression of a single gene, Streelman was able to Frankenstein a new fish.

Cichlid embryo

OF MICE AND MEN
While Streelman has proven that he can grow one species’ brain inside another’s body, there’s no telling if his patchwork creations can survive in their natural environments. To date, most attempts to manipulate neural development in animals have led to brains that look promising in the land but fail to function in the real world. In 2002, for instance, researchers manipulated a mouse’s genetic signals to increase the size of its cerebral cortex. The cortex grew dramatically, forming folds indicative of the intelligence in high-order mammals and humans. But the mutation proved fatal, and the mouse died before it was born.
Some scientists posit that the mouse’s death may have had more to do with the complex relationship between the animal and environment and less to do with ill-suited manipulation. Georg Striedner, and evolutionary biologist at the University of California at Irvine, has found that many animals go through a phase during early development in which they’re particularly vulnerable to injury, starvation, or disease. In order for an animal to survive, something in their external world has to protect them. For instance, many species go through a prolonged period of rapid cell division before their brains become neurons. This ultimately leads to a larger brain, but it also means that the animal’s brain is not fully formed at birth. Parrots are a good example. After parrots hatch, their brains aren’t particularly developed, which forces the babies to rely on their mothers for food. That means that the mothers’ feeding behaviors must have evolved at the exact same time that parrots evolved to have larger brains. Otherwise, parrots would have never become so smart.

Cichlid fish

The process of evolving new traits is clearly complicated. Labs can create animals with shiny new traits, but that doesn’t mean the animals can handle the complexity of the world around them. As for Streelman’s fish, no one knows how their manipulated brains will affect their behavior -or, for that matter, how they’ll fare in nature. In many ways, though, that isn’t the point. The goal of Streelman’s research isn’t to grow new and funky animals; it’s to learn how animals evolve. By discovering the relationship between the animal’s genome and its brain development, scientists ultimately hope to pinpoint the genetic basis of of human thought and behavior. It just may be that, along the way, creatures like the chimera and the baku become more than the stuff of ancient folklore.

_______________________

Shameless Screen Grab courtesy of Neatorama

It's SCIENCE! You Fools. SCIEEENNCE!

It's Always Been True: Villains Saving Civilization (to Rule It)

6 Historical Villains Who Were Actually OK Guys

By: Craig Sheehan April 01, 2009 925,054 views

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Hitler. Stalin. Ivan the Terrible. We all love these guys. Which is to say, we hate them and everything they stand for, but we're secretly glad they existed. Otherwise we'd have to learn about the cultural and political tensions behind world history, as opposed to boiling it down to "there was a bad guy who made crap happen because he was evil."
But sometimes in our haste to find a villain in every situation, we wind up painting some people as cackling cartoon villains when they were really just random guys, or even pretty awesome. Here are a few names you might want to give a second chance:

#6.

Genghis Khan

You Know Him As:
Genghis Khan was a barely-coherent fount of animalistic violence, who tore across Asia with his horde of barbarians laying waste to every village in his path, killing the men, raping the women, eating the children, killing and raping the livestock, burning everything down then raping and eating the ashes, etc. Anything that fits under a modern white person's notion of "pillage," Khan did while laughing a guttural, jackal-like laugh.

But in Reality:
What would you think of a guy who brought all the gangs of South Central Los Angeles together into one happy community? Well, deepen the grudges by about a millennium and expand the whole thing to cover one and a half million square miles, and you've got the task Genghis Khan achieved before he was even famous.
Back in the day, Mongolia was just a bunch of scattered nomadic tribes who would wander around, kill each other, wander around some more and basically be laughably irrelevant on a global scale. Then Genghis came along and united the entire clusterfuck in a couple of decades.

And if you're wondering if his "peace talks" were conducted by a thousand burly men with clubs, sorry, Genghis was always more of a politician than a psychopath. He attracted the allegiance of other tribes by spreading the word that life under his rule was crazy awesome. He did away with the sacred Mongolian tradition of "Fuck the soldiers, just fuck 'em" by allowing defeated enemies to join, giving the men a share in the spoils of war and basing promotions on merit rather than politics. Soldiers had never been treated so well by a commander before, or if you think about it, since.
So once he'd turned Mongolia into one big happy family, his next job was to keep them that way. He figured if the people were left to their own devices they'd get antsy and just drift back into the wandering around and killing each other for lack of a better idea, so he arranged activities to keep them organized, like massive hunts or conquering all of mainland Asia. Seriously, that's a leading theory, that Genghis had his armies invade everything in sight as some kind of team-building exercise. Beats the shit out of softball.

#5.

Benedict Arnold

You Know Him As:
Benedict Arnold fought for the British during the American Revolution. Even worse, he did it despite being American. Attempting to use his position as a general in the Continental Army to gain control of West Point then surrender it to the British, he was discovered, thwarted and his name has since become synonymous with "English muffins topped with bacon, poached eggs and hollandaise sauce." No, wait, "traitor," that's the one.
But in Reality:
Arnold actually did all that stuff. Switching sides, trying to surrender West Point, the whole shebang. But you know what? Considering the circumstances, it's hard to say we blame him.

This shameless display of unmitigated gall, however, is inexcusable.

When you look at pre-treachery Arnold, what you find is an almost comical beacon of good old-fashioned American virtue. After his mother died, he single-handedly supported his sister and suicidally alcoholic father; he enlisted to fight off a French invasion when he was 15; he grew up to be a successful capitalist and family man. If he'd fought a duel against somebody for using "Yankee" as an insult, he would've been the ultimate American. What, he did that? Never mind then.
Then there was his record during the revolution. He planned and led the famous siege of Fort Ticonderoga. Somewhere around here his wife died, but he soldiered on, masterminding the strategic invasion of Quebec, where he held position for weeks despite being cut off from the rest of the army and shot in the leg. He held back the British at Lake Champlain, he was instrumental in the Danbury raid, he was essential to the success of the Battle of Saratoga. If he fell off a bridge and died at this point, there would be a 50-foot tall statue of him in Connecticut, made of platinum and diamonds.

The army must have loved this guy, right? Surely by this stage he was being carried everywhere by a living throne of nubile young women. Wait, instead they repeatedly passed him over for promotion with younger, less experienced men? And other officers tried to take credit for his achievements? And he was investigated by congress on baseless accusations of corruption?
Basically, after all his bravery, sacrifice and bullet holes, America seemed to develop a great passion for kicking Arnold in the gut. It didn't help that at the same time they were creating an alliance with France, the bad guys from Arnold's teenage war adventures. Under those conditions, it's understandable that he'd quit the team.
People may have had more respect for him if, rather than being sneaky about it, he'd yelled "Fuck you all, I'm with England now" as he rode off giving everyone the rudest gesture of the times. It's the betrayal that irks people. But hey, America, you started it.

#4.

Antonio Salieri

You Know Him As:
If you've seen Amadeus, you know who Salieri is. He was the personification of mediocrity's envy of genius, a crappy composer who obsessively used his connections to sabotage the career of that insanely talented punk, Mozart.
Finally he ran out of subtlety and just killed the guy, but Mozart got the upper hand in the end by going down in history as a great composer, while Salieri is only remembered as a jealous prick.
But in Reality:
Sure, Mozart and Salieri competed, for teaching posts and royal commissions and stuff. But that's normal. They were in the same business in the same place at the same time; it's inevitable that they'd sometimes be after the same gig. If you get beaten to a promotion by some other guy at the office, it doesn't mean he was plotting against you with all of his murderous hatred, as tempting as it is to think that he was.

No, Mozart and Salieri seem to have gotten along fine. They once collaborated on a cantata, and Salieri later revived Mozart's The Marriage of Figaro. He also premiered a number of Mozart's major works and not only attended The Magic Flute but cheered like a loon--in fact, it gets to a point where you have to wonder what Mozart ever did for Salieri. Unless you count the cantata, which is kind of like Stephen Hawking "collaborating" with your first-grader on his homework.
Actually, the notion of Salieri as a hack is a lie too; he was highly respected, writing more than 40 operas, some of which are still performed today. He also taught such future composers as Liszt, Schubert, Beethoven, even Czerny. True, he wasn't as good as Mozart, but if you don't see a difference between "not as good as Mozart" and "a talentless bum," your standards might be a bit high.

As for killing Mozart, it hardly merits a response; it's a plain fact that Mozart died after several months severe illness. If you paid attention to your one-stop shop for Salieri myths, the play and movie Amadeus, you'll see that even it grudgingly hints at the true nature of Mozart's death, particularly in the part where Mozart spends half an hour getting sick and dying. It still tries to pin it on Salieri, because Salieri deliberately gave Mozart a nasty shock, which caused rheumatic fever in a perfectly logical turn of events.
If that were really how it happened, we have to say, it'd only help Salieri's case. If your idea for murdering your most hated enemy is "I'll scare him to death with a gho-o-o-ost, woooooo!" you're less a murderer than a writer for Scooby Doo.

#3.

King John

You Know Him As:
The bad guy in the Robin Hood stories, "Prince" John, as he is more commonly known for some reason, was a cowardly usurper who tried to seize control of England while his brave and handsome and charming and wonderful and awesome brother, King Richard the Lionheart, was off fighting The Crusades.
He raised taxes like it was going out of fashion, and generally made life miserable for the peasants.
But in Reality:
For starters, if you still think King Richard was awesome, either you aren't aware that he honestly thought God wanted him to go to other people's countries and tear shit up until all the Muslims were dead, or you're a very scary person.
When it comes to John himself, it becomes important to clarify your definition of "bad king." John's reign is generally regarded as an epic disaster for England, but not because he was avaricious or cruel; simply because he was so retarded at being king that he probably wore his crown pointy-side down.

Just look at how disappointed the Pope is, back there.

Everything John touched turned to crap. His marriage led almost directly to him losing a heap of land in France. His military campaign to regain that land was a spectacular fuck-up that cost a fortune, forcing him to raise taxes and earning him a reputation for military incompetence that inspired the nickname "Softsword" (Freudian connotations surely deliberate). The tax hike was not dumped on the peasants as legend suggests, but on the nobility and the clergy, which meant everyone with money and power now hated him.
The sheer scale of his ineptitude gets to a point where it passes contempt and you have to start feeling sorry for the guy. He had a Charlie Brown-esque ability to find utter failure in the most surprising places; hell, his attempt to influence the appointment of an archbishop wound up getting England excommunicated. It's not as though he wasn't smart--he's regarded as one of the foremost legal minds of his day, and weirdly for such a military fuckwit he's credited with creating the Royal Navy--but he had zero charisma, and pretty much all of his kingly instincts were mind-blowingly wrong.

But in the end, we wouldn't have him any other way. Sure, he lost land, lost money, allowed the church to increase its stranglehold on Britain; but if he hadn't been so terrible, if he hadn't done almost everything within his power to make his barons detest him so thoroughly, they wouldn't have been in a position to force him to sign a document that gave them certain inalienable rights they could demand from the king. A little document they called the Magna Carta.
That's right; all of modern democracy, made possible because King John was such a miserable fuck-up. Aren't you glad Robin Hood didn't kill him now?

#2.

Captain William Bligh

You Know Him As:
If you've read Mutiny on the Bounty, or seen one of the several movie adaptations (including the 1984 version featuring Mel Gibson, Anthony Hopkins and lots of titties) then you know Bligh as the evil, shitty captain they were mutinying against.
Bligh was a classist bully who did typical evil captain stuff like work his crew half to death on a scant ration of rancid food. If any of them stepped out of line, by voicing dissatisfaction or passing out from exhaustion or what have you, he would have them flogged within an inch of their life. Also, he looked like a giant warthog who'd just fallen down a few flights of stairs.

Eventually Bligh's handsome and dashing first mate (the Mel Gibson character) had had enough and led a mutiny against him, leaving him adrift in the ocean to die, which is OK because it turns out he didn't. Hooray for the common man!
But in Reality:
Bligh certainly wasn't loveable; he was known to constantly subject his men to a torrent of hurtful, hurtful words. But that's about as mean as he got.
Far from wearing his men to nothing, records show that Bligh was almost obsessive about building them up into godlike paragons of health and vigor. To that end he provided them with a strict exercise regimen which, OK, would've blown. But also he made sure they had a highly nutritious diet, and organized their shifts so that they got plenty of rest. Sure, there were floggings--pretty much the first rule the British navy gave their captains was "if your crew so much as sneezes, flog the living shit out of them"--but it's all about context. Bligh was considerably less flog-happy than his peers, preferring to give his men a stern talking-to and send them off to think about what they'd done.

So why did such a well-fed, well-rested, relatively unflogged crew go apeshit? There are two schools of thought:
1. Despite Bligh's efforts, life aboard the Bounty was still pretty miserable. The ship had been officially classed as a cutter, giving it a small crew and limited supplies, meaning that the men were still overworked and underfed and the whole "godlike paragon" plan was fucked. This wasn't anything to do with Bligh, of course, but when you're generally pissed off about everything and the nearest authority figure keeps shouting at you and has a face like a squashed cabbage, it's human nature to decide it's all his fault and toss the bastard to the sharks.
2. The second version is a lot simpler. The crew had just spent several weeks of leave on Tahiti, lazing in the sun, getting wasted and screwing licentious young natives. Faced with another few months of scrubbing decks and eating hard tack, they simply said "Fuck this shit," dumped Bligh and his cohorts overboard, and went steaming back for more sweet Tahitian booty.
At this point, in what is frequently regarded as the most brilliant piece of seamanship in history, Bligh navigated the crappy raft they set him adrift on nearly 4,000 miles back to civilization, battling illness, hunger and at one point even hostile natives. Considering he went through all this, and later was also innocently involved in the Spithead Mutiny and the Rum Rebellion, only to wind up being remembered as the bad guy, Bligh would also be at home on a list of People the Universe Just Plain Hated.

#1.

Edward Longshanks

You Know Him As:
King Edward I was the evil king in Braveheart. You know, the foul-tempered English prick who marched into Scotland and let his soldiers just start kicking all the Scottish peasants around, until William Wallace finally came and... well, got killed, but he still managed to teach Longshanks a thing or two. Oh, and that son of his? What a total ponce.

But in Reality:
For starters, Longshanks didn't just storm into Scotland because he felt like taking over; he went in to mediate a matter which was on the verge of causing civil war. "So?" you may well ask, "Who asked him to butt into Scotland's business?"...um, Scotland. Scotland asked.
That's right, Scotland more or less begged Longshanks to come over and start meddling in their affairs. Here's a compressed version of how it all went down:
Scotland: Help us, Edward Longshanks, you're our only hope!
Longshanks: Sure, I'll be glad to help. But first, I'll be needing Scotland.
Scotland: You'll be needing Scotland to do what?
Longshanks: To belong to England. I'll be needing you to give me Scotland.
Scotland: Oh. Er. Hm. OK, you can have our country, as long as you give it back when you're done.
Longshanks: ...Sure. I'll give it back. (rolls eyes)
Scotland: Huzzah! I don't see how this could possibly go wrong!

Seriously, Scotland? Had you even met England before? Sure, Edward broke his word, but in the history of hostile takeovers, this one ranks just about highest in "They were fucking asking for it."
Anyway, the whole Scotland fiasco was just the very end bit of Edward's reign. He spent the first 20 years or so at home writing a crapload of laws that revolutionized England forever. Most of them are pretty abstract to the lay person, but for example, did you know he helped implement several statutes which essentially made up England's first constitution? Wow! Or that he eased debt with a series of stringent anti-usury laws? Holy balls!
Braveheart fans, consider this--which is the more noble sacrifice to make for your country: leading your people in battle against an unbeatable enemy, inevitably dying in a blaze of glory? Or being the fucking King of England, and using that insane godlike power to spend decades drafting complex legislation so that the people can enjoy stable governance after you're dead? Yeah, we thought so.
For more from the realm of bad guy retardedness, check out 7 Badass Cartoon Villains Who Lost to Retarded Heroes and The 6 Most Pointlessly Elaborate Movie Murder Plots.
And check out more from the villians to our good guys at Cracked.com's Top Picks.

Read more: 6 Historical Villains Who Were Actually OK Guys | Cracked.com http://www.cracked.com/article_17205_6-historical-villains-who-were-actually-ok-guys.html#ixzz1OXlIwFOp

Shameless Screen Grab courtesy of Cracked 

Villains have always been agents of change - guiding civilization to positive subjugation. If people would only see that a perfect world ruled by Villains is possible (and probably inevitable). 

Support for Creatures From Beyond, that Ride on People's Heads

The Little People continue to mock the poor beast that rides around on Donald Trump's head and controls his mindless body.

"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn"

Donald "China is raping this country" Trump's line of hideously ugly clothes are made in China

Mark Frauenfelder at 12:51 PM Friday, Apr 29, 2011 

"China is raping this country," Mr. Trump said, adding that the United States has fallen short on technology and innovation. (Via Andrew Sullivan)


Article courtesy of Boing Boing

Happy Concentrated Evil Day!

Greetings and Lamentations, I AM Lord Malignance, and you WILL Crouch! before me Now.
(Villains excepted of course)

Today, May 1st - "Mayday" - a suitably ominous day, has been declared Concentrated Evil Day by Villainy, and will be a celebration in honor of our most respected senior member ComputerKing.

And Who IS the ComputerKing? Who is this Villain we all come together to celebrate and honor? From his own website;
Narrative History:
Once Upon a time, a man named H.R. Tucker became a portal. This portal allowed a powerful, malevolent being called the ComputerKing to use him, often and painfully, to come to this universe from his own. The ComputerKing used H.R. to run his podcast, until the day that H.R. had endured enough. He learned a few tricks, and stole the power from his oppressor, and claimed the mantle and name of ComputerKing for his own. The original ComputerKing turned out to be just a version of H.R. who had gained some power. He was spanked and thrown back to his home dimension. The Computer King was gone. All Hail the ComputerKing!

One trawls the Internet from time to time and looks for Villains to meet and appreciate. One does this for Villainy's sake, but also because Villains are adaptive and competitive, and One is not above stealing their secrets for my own. Villains learn from those we meet, and the things we encounter. One would obviously be interested in Computer King for his skill with technology and his artistry with both spoken and written word. To Ones delight, Computer King found something in Villainy (likely our more talented Villains) that  interested him, and to our mutual benefit and enjoyment joined us in our Villainy.

Computer King is not only our senior, most respected member having been pioneering Evil since 2006, but he is also a contributive member to the Culture of Villainy. We are All leaders in Villainy it is true. We build consensus and work towards shared goals. Everyone's voice is important and respected, for their unique gifts, their passion for their work, and for their industry and perseverance. With this understanding, and considering that Computer King has been doing Villainy longer than the rest of us, it is no wonder why he is universally admired and his good counsel sought out, cultivated, and maintained.

Computer King also created the celebrated Villainous Verse, an ode to Villains and Villainy. You can hear a small amount here (w/a review), and first debut on his podcast here. If you want to come to understand and appreciate a small amount of his talent, you can hear it in this Villainous Verse, which truly gets better each time you hear it.

To Oneself, personally, Computer King has been a mentor, showing me that Villainy can be sustained over time, improved and developed, refined and made more vital through effort. It isn't a fad or a flash in the pan, that it can be rewarding to yourself and to those you share it with. Villainy exists for itself, and it's own amusements, enjoyments, and empowerments. That you can see Villainy one way, and be completely correct, and so can another Villain with other agendas, goals, ambitions, and talents. Computer King gives us calm and stability and thoughtful reflection, and to Oneself as to the rest of us, this is held as necessary to Villainy. It may not be said (We Are Villains after all) but it is present in his contributions, is needed, and is always appreciated.

Other Far More talented Villains would also like to show their respect and appreciation today. Search for them and you will find them. **

**Update: Villainous Tributes are coming in even as we speak;
White Skull
A Super Rare and Valuable White Skull Comic!
Overlord
Agent Wraith
Agent Wraith (a Video!)
Poop Knife
Agent Beryllium

And more as the day goes on!


Thank you Computer King for all that you have done, do, and will do,
-Lord Malignance

Evil Disclaimer;
All the really Evil ideas - the delightful agile ones that dance in your mind, came from other Villains. One won't say who, but if you put your keen mind to it, the answers will become clear. The chance to celebrate and recognize our very talented and appreciated colleague, was something everyone would have wanted to participate in, and those that couldn't, are Ones own fault for not doing my Evil best to plan ahead better.