Oncoming Ubermas

Greetings and Lamentations, I AM Lord Malignance, and you WILL crouch before me NOW! (Villains excepted, of course)

In this season of Holidays, the religions of the world glorify and proclaim with great prominence and excitement, the importance of their most special days. Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Ganesh Sankashti Chaturti, Winter Solstice and Festivus are all celebrated, respected, and kept sacred, as they should be.

There is one unholiday however, that is always overlooked. Conspiracy adherents are wont to point out in this season, that it is more evidence of the good, endeavoring to keep the hard working Villain down. Certainly this unholiday is not as old as some of the other Holy-days in December, but it is one cherished by Villains none the less. That unholiday is "Ubermas" (Umlaut over the "U" where possible), and it is a time of celebration and opulance for the Evil.

The origin of Ubermas has been shrouded in the mists of time, with claim, counterclaim, conjecture and outright lies adding to the hidden mystery. "The Truth!" some may cry, demanding an understanding they could not hope to approach. These others might need the truth to attempt to comprehend something unattainable, but no, as a Villainous festivity we celebrate the lies, misdirections, and obfuscations inherent in the nature of our unholiday. Some may even be true - who can tell? So much is in fact unknown, and likely outright fabrication, that even the day itself on which to celebrate Ubermas is not universally recognized. And so, as tradition holds, each year a Villain in Evil Standing may proclaim the day in December that Ubermas will occur, and then on that day, Ubermas will be celebrated.

Often times throughout history, this will cause strife and conflict, as warring Cabals of Villains choose and declare different days. This conflict is also appreciated as part of the unholiday, and in various ways, represented by favorite stories told about Lucrezia Borgia, a patron of Villainy, or offerings of recognition to the dark god Krelm, among many other traditions. (At the Lair, we leave goblets by the sub basement trapdoor, filled w/wine for "the Wraith of Borgia" to come and poison. Some say, on the days surrounding Ubermas, if you have been very, very Evil, you can catch a glimpse of her seen in reflections on windows - just out of the corner of your eye.)

Great Feasts are held, special treats are prepared, fine clothes are worn, and oppulance abounds. Here Villains put on display all that their efforts have afforded them. The fine plates, and silverware are brought out, the best wines and spirits served, and the cruelest punishments delivered to the minions. These are the days of Villainy Resplendant! Of days spent boasting, and nights spent dancing. Villainous waltzes are the preferred, but any dance will do, and no one is discouraged. Even Henchman celebrate, and the Minions too, for they know as part of the opulance, they will receive bonuses (and beatings) demonstrating the mightiness of their ruler.

As with the Displays of Grandness, there are also the Practices of Greed and "Selling Out". Yes, while other holidays declare they are not about commerce, the unholiday of Ubermas proclaims it IS about commerce. Sell what you can, everything you can, and rejoice in the sublime excess pleasures of the free economy. Greed to extreme, let all know you are in it for the money, and wallow in your awful avariciousness. Others may claim that rapaciousness is unbecoming a Villain, and at least overtly, it may be seen as so, but not in the season of Ubermas. Quite the contrary, for here there is the celebration of being a Villain, and sharing that joy with other Villains, Henchmen and Henchwomen, Minions, Hired Muscle, Corrupt Politicians, Fallen superheroes, the Evil, and the world entire.

Demonstrations of Malevolence also abound, as many Villains create opportunities for the world to appreciate the unrelenting work of Evil. Sometimes mischief, sometimes tricks, always with an Addamsesque twist to make people think. The good have their preconceptions - challenge them! Villainy is fun, valuable, unappreciated, can be shared with everyone, and can bring the world together in the mathmatical beauty of Perfect Evil.

The Evil Celebrations have been going on for days now, and if you haven't had an opportunity to learn and share in the Season of Villainy, then you are invited to please enjoy the efforts by;

Agent Beryllium

Computer King
(with a black-heart filled welcome back to health and your powers)

Malvado

Overlord

Poop Knife

White Skull

(To any Villains one did not add, please post in comments, and the links will be amended. You may know that you have ones apologies in advance.)


On to other news;

One has been behind in work, as so much is dependent on "Being there" and being inspired. The sleeplessness has taken it's toll, and the quality has diminished. It could be the chocolate and caffeine, or the Non Stop Ubermas Raves (dance parties at night), but it has slowed down productivity. That shouldn't stop the following tradition however;


The Second Annual Lord Malignance Holiday Challenge!

This years question;

"What would happen if all the superheroes suddenly went away?"

Your questions in the comments fields will be taken, combined, codified where necessary, and then put into a Survey Box for voting. The answer with the highest votes wins. There may be cheating, as this is a Villainous Tradition, so be prepared to be brilliant, crafty and skillful (thus eliminating the chance that heroes can participate). Last year's winners Black Sun and Exit Nero won in an avalanche of ballot box stuffing, which was masterfully comitted, expertly denied, and thoughtfully plotted. May your participation be as well received.


Lord Malignance Tributes!

On top of Ubermas parties, there are also the parties going on around the Lair. With the retirement of the ArchNemesis Phantom Zero (from the RLSH), the cake eating has gone out of control (suprising amounts of sugar in frosting). Adding to the giddiness (yes, though unbecoming, Lord Malignance, Vain Tyrant of Colorado, can be "giddy" from time to time) is that a number of Tributes have been coming in, celebrating this victory. To the artists, and their patrons, one extends sincere gratitude, and appreciation for your talents. Readers may find tributes of subjegation here, and here, and a tribute of recognition here. You may rest assured that these most appreciated efforts will all find their way to the Fine Art collection inside the Lair.


May a Sinister Ubermas of tremendous Fortune and Opportunity decend upon us all,
-Lord Malignance

Winner of the Second Annual Master Calamity's Supervillain Challege!

Greetings!

The Challenge deadline for the Second Annual Master Calamity's Supervillain Challenge has been reached, and the participants this year were but two titans of Evil. As it turns out, one has lost (yet again), and will stalk off the stage to grouse as is ones want, allowing the winner to stand On High and accept by popular accolade, the applause, envy, and awe of Villains everywhere.

The Winner this year, counted by double secret, triple encrypted, quadruple bribes and extortion, and, by the winner totally blowing the DOORS OFF the challenge to sieze victory was...

... THE Sound Vandal...,
... the MOST Hated Villain of them all...,
... and the Simian Connection himself...,

Malvado!

To see, appreciate, and marvel at the sheer Villainy, and audacious Evil Malvado brought to win the challenge this year, you may view it here.

For those of you who did not win this year (that would be oneself) there is next year. For those of you who did not participate, there is also next year.

As the challenge ends, we allow the Legend of Master Calamity, the most unknown of Villains, and the Legend of Mystery that he was (is?) return to the mists of forgotten history, as would be his wish.


And now, on a lighter note, a new game! The "How many different kinds of Real Life Super Heroes can you name?" Game!

Cartoonish Buffoons

Crazy People

Ninjas!

Community Leaders

Weirdos

Not a Party Clown, or a Rodeo Clown, but a Super Clown

Beer Swilling Inbred Mutants

Impotent Volcanos of Violence waiting to erupt - in Justice

Thuggish Man-Child

Overly Hairy, Truly Ugly Person, Trying to pick up female/male groupies

35 year old Virgin living in their parents basement

Recent recipient of profound brain damage

Serial Stalker, using the "gimmick" to cover for your criminal habits

Tea Party Member

Rich Billionaire Playboy

Delusional psycopath with untreated mental disorders

Very attractive lingerie model with Martial Arts Training, who does it for the thrill

Mascot for a Forum, Blogtalk Radio Show, and series of "Adventure" videos

Fetishist (male/female/transgendered) on the path to bottom level prostitution

Belgian Albino with pituitary gland disfunction, trying to "Make it on your own" outside of the circus.

If you are a Super Hero, and you think you fall into one of the above catagories please post!

One hopes you had a very happy, and Evil Guy Fawkes Night, this November 5th past. A perfect opportunity to break out your V for Vendetta DVD, and enjoy a quite evening of plotting and scheming.

-Lord Malignance

The Second Annual Master Calamity's Supervillain Challenge

Phantom Zero Interview...

Greetings and Lamentations, I AM Lord Malignance, and you WILL crouch before me now!
(Villains excepted, of course).

If you know only a few things you can count on in this entire WORLD, then one more you may be assured of as fact, is that Lord Malignance hates superheroes. Most especially the hated Arch Nemesis Phantom Zero. To begin todays incoherent screed, one reveals the Shame of the Tangen Project.

The darling of the hero community, the Tangen Project is complicit in concealing dissent, hiding truth, and conspiring to deceive the public by putting forth the foolish idea that so called, "Real Life Super Heroes" are welcomed and universally accepted by a fawning, public too stupid to discern comic book fantasy from sad, sad, reality. See here the truth before their desperately cowardly actions;

and see here, the grotesquely neutered abortion they produced through their perverse fear.


And yet, there's more Phantom Zero beating!
Recently, an interview with one's hated ArchNemesis was conducted by Tea Krulos at his blog Heroes in the Night. You can find the original interview text here, and one will consent to comment now in full response. Reference notes are denoted by Q=Question (by Numeric), P=Paragraph (by Alpha).

Before beginning, to fully appreciate the interview, you first must have a basic appreciation of the Oedipus Complex. The commonly held belief is that this psycological drive is primarily concerned with the taboo about sleeping with your maternal progenitor (mother)- but in fact it is not. It is about replacing the paternal contributor (father). About achieving adulthood, and exceeding the accomplishments of your sire. Why, a wretched giant Belgian albino burdened with the drive to replace the sainted objectification of their father would present with a serviceable gallery of psycological triggers to exploit. Weighty things to ponder indeed. (Interview Q1PE)

Now onto the response!
As to the origin of the pigmently challenged, malanin deficient, pituitary gland handicapped Phantom Zero, he will most often describe his origin in vague terms, and leave to your imaginings all the untold horror, your mind may envision. Some examples and sources (These may be taken out of context, and includes linking for your own evaluations);
"Wounds are all I'm made of.
I'm a relatively normal citizen who wants to increase the amount of good in the world in response to some terrible things I've personally witnessed or learned of."

"I wouldn’t be nearly as empathetic as I am, had I not experienced some pretty dark and low things," he says.(Tangen Project)

"Motivated by suffering he personally experienced, and the suffering of others he has witnessed, he joined the real life superhero community as an unorthodox way of addressing common problems, encouraging people to not be afraid to question or think outside the box."

"I endured and survived a particularly stressful childhood, but managed to come out of it relatively sane and stable. I still carry with me many of the positive things I had to nurture and believe in to get through: a belief that things no matter how hopeless seeming can get better, that you can endure rather than just give up, that you can and will fail--but from that failure still learn, and knowing that life is not worth living unless have the capacity to feel (even if you know that may make you vulnerable, and may get hurt). If anything, the adversity in my life bred adaptability. In particular, it made me profoundly compassionate and doggedly passionate in responding to the injustices and plights of others. It also, for better or worse, it made me different and made me stand out in many ways. I've managed to take inspiration from the source of what many consider negative experiences, and rather than use them as a source of equally negative feelings and emotions, flip their perspective, learn from them, and use them as a source of strength in my life. For example, I wouldn't be nearly as empathetic as I am now had I not personally suffered through or witnessed some horrid things. I'm drawn to help those who are going through traumatic situations because I've been though a few myself.
Ironically, he indicates his childhood made him "different" and made him "stand out in many ways". The gigantism and albinism not being sufficient for this purpose is suggested. His superpower? Empathy. Now cats, dogs, horses, prairie dogs, and mice all demonstrate empathy, and even ants will cart off their injured comrades (to eat). Only a superhero would at once, claim what is evident in all vertibrate life as a "super power", and at the same time, seek to rob the rest of humanity of this quality by elevating it to a special super ability. (Interview Q1PB)

Later on in the interview (Q1PF), as what one suspects must be mescaline kicked in, he admits "Being a "normal" or a "civilian," especially at that time in the development of the community, my access was limited." Since at that time, despite being an alabaster gargantua, he was "normal" - like all the lesser, or average people who don't dress up to fight crime. Those who instead strive daily to make the world a better place to live in for themselves and those close to them - without claiming powers or requiring outlandish costumes. Silly normal people - your lives are so less significant than the Gaudy Carnival troupe of Superheroes.
In Q1PG (Seriously, he does go on. Ask a superhero for their origin, and sit down for a yarn. Villains? Here's the thumbnail origin for oneself: I'm Evil.) he describes the epiphanic moment he discovered his calling. His pledge? THE Phantom Zero pledge? "As there is great evil and injustice in this world, I will counteract it by trying to increase the amount of good". That's it - not trying to change the course of mighty rivers, or win against impossible odds. Just nudge the scales a bit. Justice on the cheap. Needless to say, to fully parody with gleeful malevolence, one should have a similar but reflected motto - however one cannot hold oneself to such paltry goals. Enslave ALL of humanity? Why yes! Rule the very World itself? Of course! Nudge Evil along? Why bother?!
Q1PH After his previous epiphany, and a night of uneasy rest (the drafts in the Tower of Virtue being what they are) the first thing he does, the primary objective to achieve before any others, was to snap pictures of himself and post them on the Internet. Because, being a hero is about celebrity, and you can't prowl the catwalk without publicity.
Moving along to the question "What philosophy do you follow as an RLSH?" (Q3PC) the hated ArchNemesis claims "Real life superheroes exist as a challenge to the apathy, banality, complacency, and mediocrity commonplace in the hum drum status quo of blind, repetitive worker bee every day life. They make people question the reality they live in. By being, they inform and educate individuals as to their own untapped potential in a world of unchecked possibilities." It's got to be mescaline, right? Just hold in your memory his words, and then simultaneously, think of the Real Life Superheroes that you know. Untapped potential and Master Legend? Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha! And remember - if you ARE a hum drum, blind repetitive worker bee - a so called "normal person", you really should take a look at Tothian, and be inspired! More hotsauce - and mescaline.

He ends this question (Q3PD) with a barely concealed plea to Villainy to accept him as our own. In question four, he goes on (most especially in Q4PC) to count the many qualities of Villainy he most admires; our ability to think outside of the tinymindedness "box" that normal people are trapped in, and exceeding the superheroes at taking potshots at their super hero weaknesses. Further on, in paragraph F, he boldly proclaims a side benefit of going hero, was the opportunity to troll for women. Oh he may use the phrase "unexplored continent, plentiful with natural resources" - but we all know what that means.
In question 5 (Q5PA) he ends by confessing, and declares that he questions his own ethics. More over, it is a blatant invitation to question his ethics in future, and the ethics of all "so called super heroes". Is this guilt or shame (or mescaline)?
Nearing the end, in question 6 "What are some highlights as your life as Phantom Zero?", the most hated ArchNemesis recounts either that his successes are "confidences" that may not be revealed (again, a tendency to gloss over facts, and an allowance of imagination to fill in his missing details), or the best excuse ever. His audacious claim is that he effected good in people, by having the little people bathe in the benefit of "just knowing I was there" - like a couch. Or a Tree, or a patch of crabgrass.
He ponders "Just knowing I was there, that I might have made a difference, is the greatest achievment". Then he must be very proud that his appearance was somewhat responsible for ones own. Every act of Evil one produces, is the difference he has made, and is his greatest achievement. Universal forces; action and reaction. Cause and effect. Nature abhors a vacume, and seeks equilibrium. He, by his action, creates the Evil in the world he rails against, and the Evil grows strong and spreads throughout the world. Apathy and Banality for Everyone!
Nearing the end of this screed (for now), in question 7 "When Lord Malignance finally eliminates you effortlessly, how soon will you be forgotten?" (or something like that), in Q7PB he coins the phrase "my mundane identity" for all those times when he descends to the level of puny mortals, and accepts no less than "becoming a more complete, perfect, self-actuallized person" as his long term goal. Well, one supposes there is that. For a hero who's superpower of "empathy" and ability to effect change by "just being there", this goal of growing up is also so very superhero in it's arrogance. As if you are not already perfect in the qualities of being you. Unless... it's not being himself he strives to achieve, but instead, to fulfill the drives of Oedipus.
There is one last delicious weakness he reveals at the end. He's been approached by a number of curious superhero wannabes. He's helping some start on their path to feeble weakness, and flamboyant redundancy. He will be responsible for their failures, as they will make poor children, poor surrogates, for his Oedipal need to be their perfect father.
On lighter news, to follow up on the Tangen Project and their desire to hide their filthy secrets, one found THIS;
All visitors to this website must agree, under penalty of perjury that they are not doing so as a representative of a law-enforcement agency and that they will not use the information contained in this website to pursue criminal or civil legal action against any parties involved with this website in any way whatsoever.
The disclaimer screams "Your law enforcement agencies can't judge superheroes! They're made up of only normal, little people, (like citizens), and can't presume to judge Arch Angles, psychics, super heroes, beer fueled crazies, fantasy Punishers, garage sale Batmen, and mystics. Thank the Superhero Registry for that treasure. 　
　
May all the heroes find their imaginary worthiness tarnished by the knowledge that they are scorned by a society of educated, hopeful, and good people, who don't need so called super heroes telling them how to think and behave,
-Lord Malignance

Oh, and one lied. One more Phantom Zero beating! (Caught you reeling? As planned)



Waiting to see if Instrument of Evil: Codename C.E.L.L.O goes live in 3 days...

What is this one hears about Vampire Minions moving to Juarez Mexico?

Could this be a Movie about so called "Real Life" Super Heroes?!

Super Trailer SpikeTV SPIKE.com

Lair Goings On, Post Ninja Cavalcade...

Greetings and Lamentations, I AM Lord Malignance, and you WILL crouch before me now!
(Villains excepted, of course).

Long ago, at the beginning of the Modern Age of Villainy, a great unknowable mystery moved within the ranks of Villainy, bringing fear to the hearts of heroes, and inspiring many a Villain to strive to be more... unknowable.

This harbinger of unfathomable secrecy was the man(?) known as Master Calamity, and though out of respect for his wish to remain a myth is upheld throughout the year, on this upcoming Villainous Holiday, we celebrate Evil, and his malificent contributions. And so...

The Second Annual Master Calamity Super Villain Challenge!

The Rules (though as Villains, you will be expected to break them as you see fit);

1) A picture taken outside of your lair posted, possibly taking advantage of the Halloween opportunity.

2) Points are given for theme, and for daring. Obviously anything Evil (but Legal!) is always appreciated. Anything bold, and uncompromising also.

3) Agent Beryllium, Aluminum Chef, and Fatal Phyllo KILLED last year, and set a high standard to attempt to reach. Don't be deterred however: You don't have to exceed the best Ever, just the best this year.

4) Judging is by community accolades. If you must cheat, cheat with style and don't get caught. Payoff witnesses, and bribe and blackmail as you must.

5) If you photoshop, make it a convincing conterfeit, or dazzle with style.

6) If you are a screaming megalomaniac in a snowstorm losing your mind due to frostbite, limit your attempts to only a few.

7) Have fun. None can judge you, save yourself (and that pesky "World Court") and none to think less, should you not participate. Again, as a Villain, it's entirely up to YOU.

Helmet designs are running apace, but appear to be missing the upcoming deadline one sought. Still, innovative improvements are being developed.

One has been testing out the new technologies present in video games. You might think that the Mighty Lord Malignance, Merciless Ruler of All the Colorado Holdfast, has no experience with these paltry time wasters. But you would be wrong. Behold! Lord Malignance has both an original Nintendo, and an Atari 2600 - both setup to a RGB Color television. Ahh, those were breakthrough days. One joystick and one button - what more could you ever need?

Now, on the X-Box 360, one is presented with a controller with two joysticks, and almost a dozen buttons. What madness is this?! Who has the fast twitch neuronal connections to operate such a device?! The Secrets of this world will be MINE yet!

The Henchdog, the Merciless Mongrel of Mao, the Cunning Canine of Communism himself;

Comrade Cocoa

Plots to enlist a proletariat of waterfowl into his Diabolical armies of Dogdom have not gone well for him. Yet. And yet he plots, and plots, patiently biding his time.

With Splendid Horror Unfolding,
-Lord Malignance

Ninjas are Tenacious...

Greetings and Lamentations, I AM Lord Malignance, and you WILL crouch before me now!
(Villains excepted, of course).

One has now mostly recovered from the recent renegotiations with the Ninja Clans of the Colorado Holdfast. Having successfully thwarted the assassin raids on the Lair, one had to clear the rooftop of a dumpster full of assorted ninjery (which coincidentally, is what befell the Ninjas in the beartraps on the rooftop...);

During this period of intense negotiations, one mistep led to a subcontracted appearance by a previously unknown group of Colorado Lin Kuei. How did one know there were Lin Kuei involved? Besides having been poisoned?

(One happens to have a Chinese Henchdog in ones employ)

That happens to be a "Horse Knife". Silly Lin Kuei...

One has traditionally (and you'd be suprised, but there's a Villain Catalog for these things) surrounded the Lair with brambles, and trees with fearsome spines and spikes.

It turns out however, that these trees, bushes, vines and creepers, while ephemeral to Ninjas (who are concerned primarily with climbing on your roof, and hiding in the ceiling spaces) are precisely the kind of cover, so called Forest Demons (the Lin Kuei) prefer. So, one has had the bushes cleared, the trees trimmed, and the vines removed. The trees, previously a good place to hide behind, are now made less capable of hiding sneaky assassins.

Of course, when you poison Lord Malignance, merciless ruler of the Colorado Holdfast, and live in a forest, you may of course expect reprisals.

Still, now at the end of the period of renegotiation, one has acheived the Contract between the Clans and oneself.

So, with Evil Vigor returning, the never ending quest to achieve the Enslavement of all Mankind, the Wracking of those weaklings the Heroes, and limitless plans to Rule the very World itself, continue.

-Lord Malignance

There was a Fourth Clan...

Special Note:

Tea Krulos has information about his work, which can be viewed here (www.heroesinthenight.blogspot.com). He has information and examples of his writing on his blog for his proposed book. If you would wish to assist in funding the work, your participation is invited and welcome. One cannot find a way to use Amazon payments without attaching a bank account, and this is restricting ones participation. If the total appears to be nearing the threshold, one will send paypal funds, through MoneyPak cards to the authors email address.

You can't crush your enemies like insects, unless you know their culture.

Greetings,

As you may imagine, one has been travelling, in a depressed cycle, and recovering from being poisoned. Yes, all are true, as it appears that other than the previous three named Ninja clans in the Invisible Colorado Ninja Empire, there is at least one group of Lin Kuei.

For the record, Lin Kuei do NOT climb on your roof, and this presented a hole in the Lairs security, which they were then able to exploit.

One has subsequently sent a reply in kind fashion.

The upcoming Accounting, done in the first part of next year will be assisted by a Quality of Life Report, ones minions in government have been preparing. Concerns for my malevolence are;

Suicide rates among 15-19-year-olds is 80% higher than the national average

The workforce is earning 10% less than in 2001

The use of meth in the county is 40-50% higher than the state average

Children living in poverty has increased 63% since 2000

As you may imagine, anything so significant as these statistics warrants ones attention. The rate of successful graduation from High School has dropped, and this may be accounting for the first second, and third conditions. Meth use must never be allowed to foster a foothold in Colorado. This would be boon to street crime, and in turn lead to their successes. In turn, this would be competition to ones rule, and one will not abide this.

Apologies to other Villains for these obvious manipulations; The "Tancredo is Loose", and the "Buck Won't Stop". These minion gambits are preposterous, but serving ones purposes. One humbly points out, that compared to Nevada*, one looks like the Michael Jordan of Villainy.

The upcoming SuperVillain Movie "Nemesis" has a director.

A great new page for SCIence. A demarked notation specifying it as divergent from mainstream, hampered by so-called "laws" and "ethics" and "Sanity", weakling rule following science.

This has been a trying month, and one will have pictures of Ninja garbage pulled off the roof of the Lair shortly.

Recovering slowly,

-Lord Malignance

* (With due respect paid to the Chairman of Nevada)

Invisible Colorado Ninja Empire

Greetings and Lamentations, I AM Lord Malignance, and you WILL crouch before me now! (Villains excepted, of course).

One has spoken previously about the Ninja Industry in ones Colorado Holdfast, and as this is such an important component in the work Evil does, it does regularly require care and attention to support. Evil Masterminds from across the world, find in this world economic downturn many advantages to investing in the services of domestic Ninjas, and Colorado produces the finest Ninjas outside of Japan.

Here are only a few of the (above board) Ninja Factories Colorado is proud to have produced;

Kuso Dojo

Chikaraken Dojo

Kaizen Martial Arts

Kashiwa Bujinkan Ninjutsu

As one is recognized by the three primary Ninja clans as “Daimyo Malignance” one cultivates and maintains with the Ninja community a pact, which from time to time must be amended. This is one such time, and so one will be taking a small vacation from Online Evil, to pursue a strategic leveraging based on recent Invisible Colorado Ninja Empire events.

While it wasn’t in the news, the three great clans in ones Holdfast (Shinobi, Koga, and Iga) recently engaged in a ruthless Ninja war which raged for weeks through downtown Denver, and through many offices, parks, and streets. Because of the stealthy, secretive, and mind controlling techniques of the Ninjas, most if not all people were entirely unaware of the terrible body count resulting from this three way war. Legends tell us that well trained Ninjas of such high quality as those created in the Colorado Holdfast (Colorado Ninjas – your number one domestic choice for stealthy operations!) naturally turn into smoke when they expire, and this may also have contributed to the brutal Colorado Ninja war remaining unreported.

However, with the temporary decline in Ninja power, one is seizing the opportunity to renegotiate the current pact with the clans – while they are being squeezed by Yakuza interests (some money always flows back to Japan in some kind of Ninja franchising deal one has never understood) and attempts by Wyoming’s Wasteland Pirates (natural enemies of Ninjas) to extend their sovereignty into ones Holdfast.

Funny story about dealing with different crime gangs:


With La Cosa Nostra, you meet with the Caporegime in a "sit down" he tells you how much he wants, you put it in an envelope (you can call it money or whatever you want), and you hand him the envelope.
Then fuggedaboutit.

With the Clans, you meet each Shogun for lunch. Beforehand, underlings you must first meet with, will hint at a financial range that would demonstrate proper respect. On the day of the meeting, you will small talk for quite some time – and never speak of business. Then you will have lunch, and during lunch a “shimobe” will become known to you. To this person, discreetly, you will slip the envelope, hidden from view of all others (You must never refer to it as “money” or “payment”). Soon after, the Shimobe will approach the Shogun, and whisper in his (or in the case of Shinobe "her") ear.

At this point, should your “offering” be found worthy, you will be invited to a round of golf (you can never allow yourself to win), or to wander the garden and speak business as do old friends.

Should your offering be found unworthy, the Shogun will demonstrate a displeasure with the meal, feigning a dislike for something he/she has eaten. The lunch will conclude, and you will be allowed to leave. You may then expect Ninja reprisals, which usually are demonstrative of the Shogun’s displeasure. This is called “Negotiation”. If you can trap and wound a Ninja, and produce a body to the Shogun, you may feign besmirched honor, and the Shogun will be honor bound to accept your terms.

The trick is: Ninjas can’t stay off your roof. Put a bear trap up there, and check it in the morning, and you’ll have captured at least one Ninja in a matter of days.

Three clans over 5 days, and possible Ninja reprisals over the following week, and one should be in a better leveraged position with the Invisible Colorado Ninja Empire by early the week after next.

Should somehow, a Ninja get me, one leaves the Holdfast to Villainy, to protect from the designs of heroes.

-Lord Malignance

Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Greetings,

One has been purusing the net, looking for clues as to Krampus's latest mental break with reality, (ones response is the previous post) and found this gem.

It's probably true that Krampus will blame one for this too, but one has broad shoulders, and is Evil - so, ok!

But it truly is hilarious from top to bottom. And of course it celebrates the hilarity of superheroes.

-Lord Malignance
How much unlimited Evil can one MetaVillain create?

Creature Features; RIP

Greetings and Lamentations, I AM Lord Malignance, and you WILL crouch before me now! (Villains excepted, of course).

One has been catching up on work around the Lair (no success in the lab) and became aware of an issue involving the demon. Yes, it appears Krampus has been ignored too long, and now wants some attention. From the post on his blog, it appears that he's quite convinced, no one is listening to his blogtalk radio show. And no wonder! Since Executrix left, it's devolved into (and one really doesn't listen either, so this is conjecture) Krampus whining about his miserable, worthless life, and his frequent forays into homoerotica.

One is fine with this (as you can imagine). However, there is his quote that has drawn attention, and just to cover bases, one takes a moment to address that now;

"And if you hold any concerns for yourselves or the well beings of anyone you know that may be on the Naughty list, start filing restraining orders now. 102 522 1070 1035 1014 1070 1028 1073"

The threat to harm others is, and always has been unacceptable. If it's to be taken as parody, you must clue your audience in on the joke. At first one thought the numbers were street addresses of people you were going to go out and hurt!

This of course leads one to feel sympathy for you Krampus and a genuine concern for your safety.

One can imagine perhaps, just a small fraction of the pain you must feel, being trapped living a lie, as you do. You can come out of the closet. These are not times past - you would be made to feel normal, as you should - as you can. You don't have to bear the loneliness that hurts you so very, very much.

As to these other, lurid desires of yours to harm others, you embarrass your heroic masters. What would DC's Guardian say (other than quoting Captain America comic books)? Yes, you claim to be a "Krampus", a demon who hunts down, judges, and punishes small children. Seperate yourself from this persona before your tortured mental illness stemming from your repressed sexual desires drives you over the edge! You don't have to go out and hurt or kill any (more?) children. Stop the cycle now!

One sincerly hopes you get the mental health treatment you are crying out for. If anyone reading this blog knows Krampus personally (you have ones sympathies), please - before it's too late, get him the care he needs. He thought to call the FBI for a concern over "Zombie Gas". By his own standards, how can heroes do less for him now, now that he's telling everyone he's planning to go out and rape, murder, and hurt, small children. All he asks for ransom is that you pay attention to him, so that his lonliness goes away for even just a moment, and he doesn't need to go out and murder, eat, rape small children. And animals.

The world doesn't need one more pathetic, sad, depressing, cry for help unanswered.

-Lord Malignance

Funny story seems to be developing here; It appears his issue, and all his faux outrage, is yet again, a concern of his own making. In laymans terms to our hero readers; "It's his own fault".

Victory for Villainy!

Greetings and Lamentations!

A movie about people putting on costumes and fighting crime came out. It was called "Kick Ass". A little later, another movie came out, extolling the Awesomeness of being a Villain. It was called "Despicable Me", and is still in the theatres, delighting millions. A contest of philosophies you think?

But no, it has been no contest. For Villainy Rules, and superheroes suck.

Domestic Total as of August 9th, 2010 = $210,754,935.00


and bringing up the distant last position;

Domestic Total Gross = 48,071,303.00 *


-Gloat. Glooooooaaaat. Gloating McGloat. The Gloatanizer. Mr. Gloat-Gloat. Sir Gloatsalot. Old Gloaty. GLOAT ! (Lord Malignance)



*Endorsed by RLSH.net

A New Year, and STILL Stealing...

Greetings and Lamentations, I AM Lord Malignance, and you WILL crouch before me now! (Villains excepted, of course) .

A new year, and one is taking a small vacation, however... one became aware of an interesting story and wanted to share it with you. The Artist Formerly Known as the White Skull, has the discovery on his page here.

The Real Life Super Hero Kesh: Mastermind of RLSH has a video below. His youtube ID TheKesh707 may refer to the area code in Northern California. He's apparently pulled down quite a few videos he has put up previously, but this one is fun because it is delicious for the purposes of Villainy. Not ten seconds into his video, he proudly displays his weapons, one assumes his "tools of the trade", and they include two guns, knives, a sword and possibly a bow.


He ends his video with a demonstration, one assumes, of what he wishes to do to any people he assumes are "evil doers". Without any due process or criminal justice training (evidenced by his very stupid purpose), or legal authority, he reminds all people who may encounter him, they need to escalate their aresenal to survive his meeting.

Now, working the opposite side of the fence of justice, one may not be terribly familiar with community watch programs, but feels quite sure that vigilantes should not be sneaking around dressed as ninjas (Ninjas!) and shooting at people. If you are dressed as a Super Hero, looking for crime, and attempt to control behavior through the inflicting of terror by the brandishment of weapons or by your frightening masked appearance, your tyranny will be resisted by law abiding citizens.

Of course, concern for inflicting terror, has never stopped a Real Life Super Hero - though there are worthy exceptions.

And for any vermin out there, you will note that his proud brandishing of weapons appears not as reaction to Villains, but yet again, as a response to the activities of the Real Life Super Heroes (RLSH).

One states again, Villainy does not condone violence, or harm to others. We are capable of enslaving humanity, and ruling the world through more sinister means. Villainy states this, and abides by this convenant. Will the heroes be heroic and do the same? No, they will not, to their continued shame. Because of this, innocent people remain in danger tonight.

Villainy - it's not just fulfilling - sometimes it's patriotic!
-Lord Malignance

Happy Malignopalooza!

"Greetings and Lamentations",

And with those words, one year ago today and 100 posts ago, one began a reign of Evil.

A year of punishing heroes!
Most Recently Zetaman, Master Legend: Greatest RLSH and Tothian: Leader of RLSH (low hanging fruit), Thunderspawn the Destroyer, and others as it amused one to do so.

A year of humiliating trolls!
If you mention their names, they feel a sliver of justification, and one enjoys their silent tears as they weep for absent acknowledgement.

A year of unsuccessfully (so far) overthrowing the Potentate in a sinister coup!

A year of carrying a torch for the Baroness!
(Seriously. Cobra Commander? Bah!)

A year of building up the Organization of Lord Malignance!

No better name, - still.

The Fleet of Malignance is up and running, though maintenence costs will eventually bankrupt me.
Ghost of Nixon, Bob, and the Rats have moved on.

The Diabolical Madame X will move in sometime, and she has cats. Comrade Cocoa rejoices.

The Lair needs Lifesupport before next summer! 90- inside (!) today.

A year of development, but no firm successes in the Lab!

The Helm of Malignance v5. Prototype pending

Malignobot - concept, skill building in progress - pushed way back.

MalignoSoundCanon - shopping for parts.

Locust Control - a failure.

Roundup Resistant MalignoWeed - a failure. Roundup is (no endorsement unless one sees $) tough.

A year of dominating the RLSH in general!

Googlebomb Memes "Master Legend: Greatest RLSH", "Tothian: Leader of RLSH", and "Zetaman: Salesman of RLSH" - successful for "hearing da lamentations of duh heroes" (to paraphrase Conan) but unsuccessful as a true Googlebomb - Google is smarter than that. (Thank you sponsor of ones blog).

Hero Tears: Low in calories, but High in sodium. Delicious and habit forming.

A year of attempting to eliminate ones hated ArchNemesis Phantom Zero!

Oh, he is asking for it too.

Instrument of Evil - Codename:C.E.L.L.O. - No success so far. The Pepsi Refresh project is a little fishy about their submissions. One doesn't have the time, nor staff to follow up with them in a timely enough manner it seems. That said, one will never allow setbacks deter one from defeating ones ArchNemesis.

A year of secret projects, and sinister machinations!

One has a few things cooking in the background, awaiting their deployment. Waiting, patiently requiring only ones summons.

A year of basking in the joy of meeting so many talented and wonderful Villains!

One cherishes the qualities each of you brings to Evil.

Mac and your crowd at Go, Go, Maligno!

One finds favor in your work (so far) and ones trust is slowly being earned.

First Church of Malignism > Cult of Legend.

Brick, one expects you to discover more of Ones truths. Do what you must (safely), but deliver more content. And should you lure away one of Master Legends cult members into your religion in Ones name, one will favor you with minionship.

So on this, our first Malignopalooza, one raises a glass of cognac to you and wishes you all a happy day (it's quite late now) and an Evil year looking forward.

Happy Malignopalooza!

-Lord Malignance

One more Day, and One more Post to Malignopalooza!

Greetings and Lamentations!

One has counted down with you to this the 99th post, being one day short of the Anniversary of the Advent of Malignance or "Malignopalooza" as the partying takes over. It's been a full year, and in these last two posts, one wanted to review the state of Villainy today, and tomorrow reflect on a Year of Evil in the Lord Malignance organization.

The State of Villiany Today

Executive Summary

Villainy excels and develops as talented people are drawn to contribute and innovate the nature of Villainy within our collaboration, and without in the greater world of Evil. Ruthless democracies afford each Villain a voice, while their stature within the collaboration being based in no small part on their talents, audacity, backstabbing, ambition, brilliance, ruthlessness, and cruelty. Villainy creates, and inspires, challenges, and influences. Villains conquer their world, and celebrate the rewards for their efforts and the efforts of others.

An Evil Democratic Meritocracy.

History

Villainy as we know it today, started for many people individually as the morally uninhibited found within themselves the yearning to be more than merely drones in society. Some Villains found Real Life Superheroes flawed, amusing, and insignificant distractions. Others (ones own self included) despised an ArchNemesis from afar, and plotted their downfall.

In the Earliest days of Villainy, there were the Myths. Legends Villains still speak of in awe; Professor James Moriarty. Dr. Julius No. Benedict Arnold. Macbeth. Marcus Junius Brutus, Captain Hook. Captain Nemo. Dr. Zachary Smith. Lex Luthor. Evil Spock. Thomas Jefferson. Gaius Baltar, and Doctor Doom, to name just a few. Villains of legendary versatility who served society (and themselves) tirelessly for the betterment of society.

Before 2008, the first Modern Villain Doctor Steel stepped out of the Lair, and established Villainy as a viable, real world occupation to pursue with all the zeal and determination you might apply to hobbies, religions, or military service. When the world is ruled by Villains, Dr. Steel will be recognized on some of the new money.

In 2008, Joss Whedon's Magnum Opus, his tribute to Villains "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog" was unveiled, and codified for many brilliant attractive people, a better world, free from the uncertainties of ego driven superheroes. It postulated a better world - one ruled by Villains.

On May 15th 2009, on the IO9 blog, a write up appeared to draw those interested to the Potentate's creation "R.O.A.C.H." . Here was a forward thinking organization seeking the assistance of Villains in plans to rule no less than the very world itself. There was organization, ambition, vision, ruthlessness, and cruelty. Everything a Villain might find attractive in an organization. Because of the talent of the creation, and the charisma of the leader - his Dire Smokiness the Potentate, R.O.A.C.H. grew by leaps and bounds as many talented people found Villainy desireable, and many Villains sought collaboration.

Pulling, pushing, directing, and leading the growth of R.O.A.C.H. was the Potentate's devious and talented SuperVillain, the White Skull. Villainy was a Wild West at that time, and Evil cast about seeking our voice. Should Villainy consider forming an intellectual think tank? Why doesn't anyone point out the many dangers of constumed superhero weirdos roaming the streets armed with home made weapons looking to street brawl with people their delusions lead them to believe are "evil doers"? Should Evil shoulder this responsibility and make known the concerns of rational, law abiding citizens? Can Villainy sustain itself by making sport of these poor animals, and would that (though entirely entertaining in its own right) be sufficient? Can Villainy do a better, smarter job of helping people than heroes? Can we reap a heap of cash somehow?

Later in 2009 on YouTube a talented Villain named Sword Kane, who had made a strong reputation for himself by punishing without mercy the manchild Tothian (Leader of the RLSH), started the now famous "Sword Kane's SuperVillain Challenge". More Villains emerged, and collaborated, and though no official winner was ever declared (it was Lord Malignance), the scope of Villainy expanded farther than ever before.

This was the Bronze Age of Villainy: Crimson Nematode, Agent Beryllium, The Unknowable Villain with a Crescent Head**, White Skull, Black Sun, Exit Nero, Dr. Overkill, Baghead, Sword Kane, Scarlet Fool, and Octavius Fong, Leader of the Roaming Eye of Doom. While at this time other Villains worked their sinister machinations, unknown to others in the World of Evil; Computer King, Overlord, Lord Barren, Malvevolent Shadow, Tiny Terror, Desdinova, Dr. Steel, Chip Overclock, and others.

Now, in this Silver Age of Villainy, a broader Spectrum of Evil has grown strong, wherein before we had Villains seeking leadership, we now have Villains who Are leaders. Strong survivors winnowed from the mighty ranks of Evil, driven by dark ambitions to achieve their goals. Superstars of Evil, and Future Rulers in their own rights have come together in Villainy; Potentate. Agent Beryllium. Aluminum Chef. Computer King. Overlord. Poop Knife. Virus. Lavender Leopard, and Lord Malignance. We stand today on the brink of laying the groundwork for the Golden Age of Villainy, when all our desires may be fulfilled.

And ones ArchNemesis Phantom Zero is driven into retirement.

One imagines one sees the gleam in your eye now: You see the possibility to shape the world to your vision. Embrace your Evil and be known as no less than what you were destined to be.

A Villain.

Happy Malignopalooza (tomorrow - no fair getting started early),
-Lord Malignance

Adventures of an insane megalomaniac/gifted eccentric: One was about purchasing cognac for the Malignopalooza, and as you may imagine, shopping is not easy for Lord Malignance. For example if you shout at people, scream "Crouch!" too many times, and refer to employees as "Lackeys", you often times will be ejected from the shopping establishment. One found out cognac is now the preferred drink of rappers. One isn't sure if this is pleasant news. On the one hand, ones taste is back in fashion. On the other hand, ones eccentricities are now "gangsta".

**Out of respect for the Villain, one acknowledges his contributions and leaves nebulous his specific details as would be his wish.

Coutdown to Malignopalooza!

And you will Crouch!

One has been meaning to say that for some time (at least an hour) . One feels friskier today, what will all the Evil ascendant in the world these days. You doubt me? Me?!

Some finds today, to start your early celebrations for the Blog Post #100, which is only three short posts away. May your Malignopalooza be as unwholesome as ones will be. "Let's Wreck this Place! Whooo!"

"Megamind asks the great superhero question: what if Lex Luthor killed Superman?"

Yet Another (!) movie starring A-List actors and Hollywood talent, celebrating Villains. It must be true then what they say; "Villains Rule, and heroes suck."

Darth Vader Robs a Bank

One blames superheroes.

Of course.

Buddy Jesus disagrees with superheroes. From Comic Con protests against the Phelps Gang.

More Pictures here.

Some thoughts on Celebrating your first Malignopalooza;

First: As you may not be fully capable of surviving so Villainous an experience, you must exert control over your natural desire to rule. That is, unless you've been following the Overlord's 30 Days of Evil, and have turned yourself into a Hard, Lean, Evil Mastermind. You may already BE a superVillain, and then of course you were born ready. If either of these apply to you, then of course you are prepared.

Second: There Will be drinking. There Must be drinking, but not this cosmopolitan drinking of the timid sheep you find in upscale bars, or the beer-swilling, belt-widening guzzling of downscale "joints". No, for Malignopalooza you must drink like a god! Beverages may vary, but goblets, tankards, Norse drinking horns, or widebodied glasses are a must. While drinking the heady elixir of your choice, pause for a moment, and look out a large window, and between contemplative draughts, think to yourself "All this world, within my grasp!"

Third: Attempt to comprehend the awesome scope and power of your Evil. Feel your Evil reach out into the darkness and touch the Evil of others, for this shared malevolence binds the world together in the darkness of Villainy. No pity for the heroes! They never should have dared exist before our might!

Wishing your Malignopalooza be as dark and rewarding as ones own,

-Lord Malignance

Greetings and Lamentations, I AM Lord Malignance, and you WILL crouch before me now! (Villains excepted, of course) .

Special Note:

If you haven't been following Overlord's "30 Days of Evil" (and you really should, because it is amazing), she has just turned the two-thirds mark, and is heading into the home stretch of the last 10 days. Please, please, (or "One Commands it!", whichever works for you) do stop by and congratulate her on her success so far, and celebrate the accomplishment as she brings it home. Your comments are welcome, and she answers your posts with clever wit and insight.

Catching up on Evil Business;

Master Legend - the Greatest Real Life Superhero has been out demonstrating why he represents all that the heroes aspire to be (What? You don't trust me? Well, you shouldn't) . You can find a Villainous review and response written up first by PoopKnife after his daring and successful foray into the Lair of the Thundercat, and a second review and response by Lavendar Leopard who braved listening to the recording . A consensus of Evil appears to be that Villainy supports the rights of all to equal treatment, and future enslavement under the heel of any future Villainous Regime.

Another Special Note:

If you haven't yet partaken of the special joy that is the Computer King's Villainous Verse, then please do. One has been enjoying it immensly, and has taken to shouting at henchmen even more voiciferously (and don't their ghostly ears protest!) . And you may Dance!

The Malignomobile has launched, and one noticies that compared to the Malignosedan, it has a waggle when moving at high speeds. This has led to some crazy laughing as one has been suprised more than once. From a business standpoint, the Fleet has at last been returned to full and active status. Repairs and upgrades are endless and ongoing however.

Colorado Holdfast News; The temperature is miserable, and the Lair has poor cooling systems. One needs better insulation!

Observation of Political trends:

One has noted that current Americal Political leanings tend to occupy the space denoted by the blue space in the graphic above. The Moonbats being the uberLiberals, and the Wingnuts being the uberConservatives. They're all people you can talk to, and can listen to information, and form reasoned opinions.

Going further to the right we see the NeoCons - those special few who were integral to the last administration. They like to talk about war, and implement wars, but they and theirs won't ever serve in any war. The chickenhawks.

Further to the extreme right we have the Tea Parties, and their ilk, represented by such polemics as Sarah Palin. The chickenheads.

And there, at the extreme right, one hopes to form the M-Party. A party so extreme, the enslavement of the world is our highest goal. The platform includes; Loyalty Oaths to Lord Malignance, Frequent Random Public Beatings, Rule of Terror, and Secret Police. Ahh, good times. And of course, by "good" one means "Evil".

Only You can make ones dreams come true. Vote for the M-Party, and donate all your money today!

On the subject of cults forming around Despots to feed the needs of megalomania:

One points out the Cult of Legend is no match for The First Church of Lord Malignance, Master Legend's initials being an obvious reversal of ones own sacred initials, thus indicating his being in league with dark forces (You may continue to crouch before me Brick Xemu, for your crawling servileness will be an example for the RLSH to follow) .

And on the subject of enslaving all humanity under ones merciless rule - no word yet from the Pepsi Refresh Project for "Instrument of Evil - Codename: Cello". Of course the anonymous MPhone was held by the Diabolical Madame X, who may have been monitoring ones calls. Minion training is a slow arduous process...

Yet One More Special Note:

Four more posts to go until Blog Post #100. Mac and your crowd, you may begin the partying soon, and one actually wishes to see you come out with T-Shirts. One may deign to purchase one (though to earn ones favor, you really should send a box to the Lair, pro bono (and of course by "pro bono" one means "pro malus") .

If Evil keeps winning, and the heroes keep losing, why don't they just give up?

-Lord Malignance

Cultural Triumphs of Villainy!

Greetings and Lamentations, I AM Lord Malignance, and you WILL crouch before me now! (Villains excepted, of course) .

One doesn't know where you the readers live, but here in the Colorado Holdfast, the temperatures have been growing quite warm as Summer settles in. This morning, the Lair's upper level temperature guage read 87 degrees - at 0800! Comrade Cocoa and oneself do not do well in extreme heat, and so it goes without saying that any heroes in Arizona will probably be safe from my terrible, terrible wrath.

That however, is not to say the influence of Villainy does not grow and extend throughout all the world. We see in the movie theatres at present, the Villainous Movie "Despicable Me" thoroughly trouncing the box office expectations, and more and more people are finding Villainy the superior course by which to chart their lives by. Has this been exclusively due to ones own influence? No, but you flatter me none the less by thinking so. No, Villainy is vast and ruthless, merciless and awe inspiring.

While one has been basking (because the Lair it seems is a Microwave) in this joy, another article has been brought to ones attention. Though Kick Ass was quite naturally doomed to be a failure because its subject matter was heroes, the creator, seeing the vast scope of Villainy's influence has indicated that he will next time improve by focusing on Villains.

“Through success [he’s] inspired other people, and what the heroes do is form gangs,” the comic writer reveals. “It’s a bunch of people in masks looking at each other’s Facebooks and going out and fighting each other. Like a massive fight in Time Square with hundreds of superheroes and hundreds of supervillains, and the police trying to break it all up.”So does sequel mean darker? Sort of. “I think I’m actually just trying to do the flip side of it, because the first one was all about becoming a hero. And the second one really is about becoming a villain,” Millar says.“It probably is darker because it’s exploring the villains a little bit more like this, you’ve got Red Mist who’s become like Alex in Clockwork Orange. So he’s a bit Heath Ledger’s Joker, a bit of all the bad guys I’ve ever loved in movies. So yeah I suppose it is darker, but I think a big part of Kick-Ass is the jokes, so it’s still funny.”

Hero gangs on Facebook, undoubtably being humiliated before the world in Times Square. If you ever wanted to know why Evil consistently triumphs over the inconsequential feebleness of good, it is because Evil is cooler.

And wouldn't cooler, be exactly what you really want to be, when the Summer heat settles in?

-Lord Malignance

Can you even doubt, that Dr. Horrible 2 is inevitable?

Catching up on Business

Greetings and Lamentations, I AM Lord Malignance, and you WILL crouch before me now! (Villains excepted, of course).

Today one is catching up on Business, and if you know Evil, you know that business is good.
And of course by "good" one means "Evil".

Firstly, if you wanted to develop your own Evil, or just brush up on your existing Evil, it is unlikely you will find a better resource than that currently being provided by the Overlord. You can find her astonishing work here. Enjoy, and grow more powerful!
Really inspiring work.

Lest your knees grow weak crouching before Lord Malignance alone, you can also find pioneering work in Evil from the Computer King and his Podcasts. Podcasts!

Update on Instrument of Evil; Codename: Cello. It's been submitted, and the Pepsi people are not yet crouching. Bah! Apparently, one is competing with the whole world (as if this isn't always the case). They WILL Crouch! (and hopefully pick ones project).

Evil Conference at the Denver International Airport today. If anyone asks, the Baron of Kansas* owes Lord Malignance for driving Nix out of his state. Shhh - spread the word.

Malignomobile actually moved - to the end of the compound border! It still needs insurance, which for some reason involving cars and megalomaniacs is prohibitively expensive. One day, it will roll off the property...

Why is ones Colorado Holdfast so much more Evil than other states? Two reasons come readily to mind after the recent holiday;

• 1) Buffalo/Bison. Coloradoans love them some Buffalo. We keep them in zoos, not to keep the people safe from them, but to keep them safe from people. Oh, like most prarie/mountain states (hah!) we'll eat most any game (that's "critter" to you Easterners), but Buffalo holds a special desirability here. Sometimes at night in summertime, roaming packs of people run into the night barefoot, looking for sleeping Buffalos to descend on and devour. Canada has Wendigo, the Northwest has Bigfoot, Florida has the Oldest Lostboy, but Colorado? We have, well, Coloradoans.


• And no Buffalo is safe.

• 2) Fourth of July. One isn't sure if it is the fact that one is actually warring with all neighbors of ones Lair or not, but noticied that a neighbor shot bottle rockets and other annoyances at the Lair from 10am to about 11pm. Good Gravy, what was the economic output for that barrage? Who spends 10K on fireworks?! What other state would that even seem normal in? This is undoubtably retaliation for something one has unleashed on his compound. Probably.

• Later, as the night develops, and the drinking escalates, off in the far distances, you can always hear the mountain folk, firing off their guns. "Mountain Folk" is not a quaint phrase here - they're real and apparently much better armed than either yourself or oneself. They don't have beards anymore though. That apparently went out of fashion with mining. Nowadays the land is so valuable, the Moutain Folk all look like rich Hollywood outcasts, and dwell in palatial estates. Ok, that was Lair envy.

Despicable Me, comes out on July 9th, and early reviews show it to be so/so. Still it will probably CRUSH Kick Ass, so, Victory for Villainy! IHOP has a cross promotion going, so if you wanted to support the cause, and dine on the best pancakes in all of Time and Space, this might be your opportunity.

This is Post #6 of a countdown to Post #100, which should hopefully occur somewhere near the one year anniversary of this Blog. And who says Lord Malignance doesn't Plan? And Plot? And Scheme? That's right Baron of Kansas - you benchwarmer.

Villainous Survey Question: If a blog offered a link to a Laser that could hurt people, and the blog author suggested ways that it could be used to torture/kill people, that would be bad, correct? So, IF there were any superheroes following that blog publicly - putting their name/face and reputation up as visually endorsing such content, that too would be bad? Just checking, because one believes the Zalesman needs a Villainous email to point this out to him.
(Full Disclosure: One actually does work to see the downfall of all Superheroes.)

Suggestion on using your Evil: Whenever you get junk mail from Phishers, use your Villainy, and ruin their day. One has enjoyed corresponding with a royal prince from, you guessed it, Africa, who would gladly send me 50Million dollars, if only one would send him a paltry sum, needed to process the paperwork. Ones reply? "Why, with my 50Billion Dollar International Empire I would be Glad to help you! But first, for the accountants you understand, I need to verify some of your information..."

Does Agent Beryllium have the best looking Blog, or is one wrong? Where is this talent coming from? (and can one steal it for ones own Evil purposes!)

One has been struggling with a helmet upgrade. When you look at the Mighty Countenence of Lord Malignance, you undoubtably know only fear. This is to be expected! But if you look at the design components, it is not only the eyes, and the nose/mouth, but also cheekbones and forehead. Designs to incorporate these have been trying. Still, while one fails, a Hero triumphs.

Curses! Foiled again.
-Lord Malignance

* Not This Baron of Kansas.

Where in the World is Bob the Minion: Part 2

Greetings and Lamentations, I AM Lord Malignance, and you WILL crouch before me now! (Villains excepted, of course).

After recently having donated the corpse of Bud the Giant Rat to a local college for study, one received a postal letter from Bob, w/a postmark from Mexico. My minion was in Juarez Mexico, and had asked for his rats to be taken to him. Not suprisingly by the way, the border would not let one cross into Mexico with the remaining few, but Bob was able to cross over to El Paso Texas to the hotel and collect them. Mind you, Bob is a homeless man in a black robe who has no ID at all, and manages to cross the border without a seeming problem. Ones influence outside of the Holdfast is remarkably limited.

Anyway, like all of Bob's papers, it had to be burned shortly after receiving it. He draws with a masters hand, and likes to fill the margins of text with pictures of disturbing anatomical accuracy - thus the necessary burning. He wrote of the people and the crime especially, summing it up succinctly as "Nu Law". If you were to hear it, you would think "New Law" - and conclude, he meant "the Law of Los Zetas" the predominant Narco Gang in the country. But no, in Bob's case, "Nu" means "No", as in "No Law".

This leads to an understanding of my minions departure as one found out when meeting Bob in Mexico. Juarez is just over the border of Texas, and IS a dangerous place, like any large city, and is also the most dangerous city in North America. If you don't wander into meeting the wrong people, or into the wrong activities, or wander around in emply places, it can be very dangerous. Fortunately, one did none of these things, and had a relatively worry free visit. One was monitored by either the Federales, a member of the Juarez Cartel, or by a member of Los Zetas. There was no uniform, and it might have been a coincidence. Still, one waited until the restaurant closed, and this person stayed the entire time one did. Bob would show up outside as soon as one exited. Bob had become worried about his becoming too comfortable in one place for too long, and had decided to move on from ones service for his continued safety.

Funny story about Bob: Bob didn't like vegetables or herbs that grew underground. Once one asked him about this, and Bob had replied that "What belong in ground, stay in ground." and then he would make a patting gesture. Which is hilarious coming from Bob. When he would pick up any seeds he saw, he would always bury them on the compound, and this was probably an impetus to his night gardening. Bob ultimately is an alchemical person, living in the technological world. In his mind, everything was made up of fire, air, water, earth, or some combination of these. Seeds were of the ground and belonged in the the ground.

Minions.

Bob let me know that he will remain ones loyal minion, however seeing as how he will be without address, phone, access to a computer, and without money, he probably won't be seen for some time, if ever. Who knows though?

For the record, for even more humor, Bob doesn't speak Spanish either. He speaks a kind of slavic Latin, which has some similarities to Spanish - more than English. For example, Bob says "Da" for "Yes" which is "Si" in Spanish. "Nu" for "No" which is the same in Spanish.

You'll be missed Bob, and one wishes you well in your future. Attempt to control your baser instincts, or you will certainly attract the attention you wish to avoid.
-Lord Malignance