Greetings and Lamentations,
By now my minions (of which there are apparently none), it is time to begin making plans to engage the Heroic Scourge of Colorado – the Ninja. Of course, seeing as how the RLSH Ninjas may very well be reading this blog, and also hiding in my backyard at this very moment, a daring, bold strategy will be hatched. Villains are experts at hatching plans and schemes, and it is just this skill that one intends to employ now.
First Rule: Know your Enemy. As we know from the sources of information the Heroes glean their knowledge from (television cartoons and video games), Ninjas wear black and carry swords. Many of the Ninjas in the Heroes community are true to this form. One would then conclude that the Invisible Colorado Ninja Empire would employ such identity branding. Though one can never actually SEE the RLSH Ninjas that seemingly infest Colorado, that wouldn’t necessarily mean that they aren’t about, it instead might simply mean that they are experts at stealth. Tsun Tzu in his celebrated work `the Art of War’ tells us that “All warfare is based on deception. Hence when able to attack, we must seem unable; when using our forces, we must seem inactive; when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when far away, we must make him believe we are near. Hold out baits to entice the enemy. Feign disorder, and crush him”. (Translated into RLSH: And as Shang Tsung once said “Let Mortal Kombat begin!”) This may tell us, that while the Ninjas may seem to be away, perhaps preparing for an assault on neighboring Wyoming’s Pirate population, they very well could be planning to engage in Ninja activities.
Second Rule: Do not try and actually fight the Ninjas, because you will lose. Some of those Ninjas look like they work out, in secret Ninja training camps. Best to leave actual combat to the Minions, and Henchmen. Tsun Tzu again advises “The clever combatant imposes his will on the enemy, but does not allow the enemy’s will to be imposed on him.” (Translated into RLSH: Or, as Scorpion opined; “Get over here!”) One imagines this must then be a battle of psychic Armageddon. It will be a battle of epic proportions. RLSH Ninjas applying their Eastern Mind Control Techniques and videogame mysticism against sheer villainous Will Power.
Third Rule: The Ninjas definitely WILL fight dirty, so beat them to the first strike, and ambush them with audacious crazy badness. Destroy their sense of supremacy, and shake their confidence in their stealthy prowess. Break them, (or to translate for our RLSH readers: as Shao Kahn said, “Finish him!”) see – there’s still time counting down on my Survey for an Arch Nemesis, so in striking early, I’ve just terribly cheated. I know, you think, “Bad Form”, but not as a Villain. I’ll bet you just hate having someone get the drop on YOU for a change.
And so, let battle be enjoined: RLSH NINJAS! I can’t help wondering why there have been three, THREE “Pirates of the Caribbean” movies, and not a single Ninja movie. What, no one cares about Ninjas? Too bad your Ninja suit leaves your eyes exposed, because when you silently cry, one can see your sweet, sweet, tears of Ninja sorrow. When you decide to give up Ninja work, you can always pan-handle for change at the park. At least you can transfer your silent skills into miming. After all, aren’t ALL mimes, what Ninjas want to be when they grow up? Take that Ninjas.
Super Villains, Villains, Henchmen, Minions, and Minion-wannabes, if this is my last post, a Ninja got me.
-M
You doubt we have a Ninja problem in Colorado? http://www.ninpiden.com/ It’s a breeding ground for RLSH Ninjas!
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