Oncoming Ubermas

Greetings and Lamentations, I AM Lord Malignance, and you WILL crouch before me NOW! (Villains excepted, of course)

In this season of Holidays, the religions of the world glorify and proclaim with great prominence and excitement, the importance of their most special days. Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Ganesh Sankashti Chaturti, Winter Solstice and Festivus are all celebrated, respected, and kept sacred, as they should be.

There is one unholiday however, that is always overlooked. Conspiracy adherents are wont to point out in this season, that it is more evidence of the good, endeavoring to keep the hard working Villain down. Certainly this unholiday is not as old as some of the other Holy-days in December, but it is one cherished by Villains none the less. That unholiday is "Ubermas" (Umlaut over the "U" where possible), and it is a time of celebration and opulance for the Evil.

The origin of Ubermas has been shrouded in the mists of time, with claim, counterclaim, conjecture and outright lies adding to the hidden mystery. "The Truth!" some may cry, demanding an understanding they could not hope to approach. These others might need the truth to attempt to comprehend something unattainable, but no, as a Villainous festivity we celebrate the lies, misdirections, and obfuscations inherent in the nature of our unholiday. Some may even be true - who can tell? So much is in fact unknown, and likely outright fabrication, that even the day itself on which to celebrate Ubermas is not universally recognized. And so, as tradition holds, each year a Villain in Evil Standing may proclaim the day in December that Ubermas will occur, and then on that day, Ubermas will be celebrated.

Often times throughout history, this will cause strife and conflict, as warring Cabals of Villains choose and declare different days. This conflict is also appreciated as part of the unholiday, and in various ways, represented by favorite stories told about Lucrezia Borgia, a patron of Villainy, or offerings of recognition to the dark god Krelm, among many other traditions. (At the Lair, we leave goblets by the sub basement trapdoor, filled w/wine for "the Wraith of Borgia" to come and poison. Some say, on the days surrounding Ubermas, if you have been very, very Evil, you can catch a glimpse of her seen in reflections on windows - just out of the corner of your eye.)

Great Feasts are held, special treats are prepared, fine clothes are worn, and oppulance abounds. Here Villains put on display all that their efforts have afforded them. The fine plates, and silverware are brought out, the best wines and spirits served, and the cruelest punishments delivered to the minions. These are the days of Villainy Resplendant! Of days spent boasting, and nights spent dancing. Villainous waltzes are the preferred, but any dance will do, and no one is discouraged. Even Henchman celebrate, and the Minions too, for they know as part of the opulance, they will receive bonuses (and beatings) demonstrating the mightiness of their ruler.

As with the Displays of Grandness, there are also the Practices of Greed and "Selling Out". Yes, while other holidays declare they are not about commerce, the unholiday of Ubermas proclaims it IS about commerce. Sell what you can, everything you can, and rejoice in the sublime excess pleasures of the free economy. Greed to extreme, let all know you are in it for the money, and wallow in your awful avariciousness. Others may claim that rapaciousness is unbecoming a Villain, and at least overtly, it may be seen as so, but not in the season of Ubermas. Quite the contrary, for here there is the celebration of being a Villain, and sharing that joy with other Villains, Henchmen and Henchwomen, Minions, Hired Muscle, Corrupt Politicians, Fallen superheroes, the Evil, and the world entire.

Demonstrations of Malevolence also abound, as many Villains create opportunities for the world to appreciate the unrelenting work of Evil. Sometimes mischief, sometimes tricks, always with an Addamsesque twist to make people think. The good have their preconceptions - challenge them! Villainy is fun, valuable, unappreciated, can be shared with everyone, and can bring the world together in the mathmatical beauty of Perfect Evil.

The Evil Celebrations have been going on for days now, and if you haven't had an opportunity to learn and share in the Season of Villainy, then you are invited to please enjoy the efforts by;

Agent Beryllium

Computer King
(with a black-heart filled welcome back to health and your powers)

Malvado

Overlord

Poop Knife

White Skull

(To any Villains one did not add, please post in comments, and the links will be amended. You may know that you have ones apologies in advance.)


On to other news;

One has been behind in work, as so much is dependent on "Being there" and being inspired. The sleeplessness has taken it's toll, and the quality has diminished. It could be the chocolate and caffeine, or the Non Stop Ubermas Raves (dance parties at night), but it has slowed down productivity. That shouldn't stop the following tradition however;


The Second Annual Lord Malignance Holiday Challenge!

This years question;

"What would happen if all the superheroes suddenly went away?"

Your questions in the comments fields will be taken, combined, codified where necessary, and then put into a Survey Box for voting. The answer with the highest votes wins. There may be cheating, as this is a Villainous Tradition, so be prepared to be brilliant, crafty and skillful (thus eliminating the chance that heroes can participate). Last year's winners Black Sun and Exit Nero won in an avalanche of ballot box stuffing, which was masterfully comitted, expertly denied, and thoughtfully plotted. May your participation be as well received.


Lord Malignance Tributes!

On top of Ubermas parties, there are also the parties going on around the Lair. With the retirement of the ArchNemesis Phantom Zero (from the RLSH), the cake eating has gone out of control (suprising amounts of sugar in frosting). Adding to the giddiness (yes, though unbecoming, Lord Malignance, Vain Tyrant of Colorado, can be "giddy" from time to time) is that a number of Tributes have been coming in, celebrating this victory. To the artists, and their patrons, one extends sincere gratitude, and appreciation for your talents. Readers may find tributes of subjegation here, and here, and a tribute of recognition here. You may rest assured that these most appreciated efforts will all find their way to the Fine Art collection inside the Lair.


May a Sinister Ubermas of tremendous Fortune and Opportunity decend upon us all,
-Lord Malignance

The Villain's Journey

"Give everything you've got!" - Any Superhero
"Then you are thus rendered precisely worthless." - Any Villain

Greetings and Lamentations, I AM Lord Malignance, and you WILL crouch before me NOW!
(Villains excepted, of course)

It is well established lore, that heroes must travel a path from citizen spiraling down to hero. This transformative process is called the Heroes Journey, and appears in many works of fiction. It's value isn't seen as an actual requirement for change, but as an allegory for revelatory understanding.

Villains too have a Journey, and this grandual transfiguration is encapsulated in the understanding of trying to "Take over the World". You might also take this meaning from The Master's Wheel, which also has the supplicant work ever towards a desired goal (a movie fiction).
For Villains, Taking Over the World, starts with first mastering yourself. All your weaknesses, strengths, fears, and gifts. Own yourself, make your failings your strengths, harness your drives and ambition for power, and deny yourself the weakness allowed for heroes and lesser creatures. (Overlord has done a wonderful series on becoming the Villain you were meant to be. See her stellar work "The 30 Days of Evil".)

Once you have forged yourself into a merciless tyrant, yearning to enslave others around you, your next circle IS the people around you. The circles grow wider and wider with each iteration (in reverse of the Master's Wheel), as your spheres of influence broaden.

Heroes will often whisper in hushed tones as they stare at the feet of their betters, "If every Villain is trying to take over the world, then don't you end up fighting all the time?" and of course this demonstrates a common misconception. Trying to Take Over the World, and actually Taking Over the World are two distinctly seperate things. No, the Villains Journey - that of Trying to Take Over the World, is a spiritual path that drives the Villain to always strive to take more unto him or herself, and to become a person of value and worth.

Make no mistake: Value and Worth, are not always simple filthy lucre, and guest hosting spots on Rush Limbaugh's Radio Carwreck (though both are pretty nice perks). The value and worth that a Villain seeks to acquire is Influence and Responsibility. For each asset of influence we gather, we hold ourselves to account for its use or non-use. For every asset we accumulate, we become responsible for their eventual use and care and grooming until that use. Yes, Villains will from time to time experience that worrisome detail of "reach exceeding one's grasp", but it's an accepted foible of Villainy. You call ME mad?! Perhaps. Perhaps...


Events in Villainy;

Ubermas, the Villains Year End Holiday is approaching, and as it does, Villainy will be revealing more and more of the Diabolical Secrets. What do Villains think about at this most special time? How do they make New Years Resolutions, and more importantly, how do they settle old scores before the New Year?

Second Annual Lord Malignance Holiday Challenge will be coming online shortly. Following the tradition, it will be a question soliciting answers, which will then be turned into a poll, and then voted upon. Last year was spectacularly won by Black Sun, and Exit Nero. Remember, as a Villainous Challenge, cheating is always admired, and skillfully deployed gambits rewarded with favor.

A suprising number of Villains have recently been found in Facebook. These Malevolent Scoundrels are warmly welcomed to the greater Villainous Community of Evil.


Heroes Revealing their True Natures;

It may be true that ones most hated ArchNemesis, the cursed Phantom Zero, has retired from the RLSH community. While he may posit that it was hero-culture infighting, readers of this blog will know that it could only have been the machinations of oneself.

Recent revelations indicate that that most unworthy troll minion Mr. Jingles may also be known as the Skiffytown "hero" Dragonheart (Warning: Picture intended for a bi-curious audience). If you are one of the many, many people he has frequently slandered by claiming you are a follower of Hitler's Third Reich, then you can now know that this lowest of all dishonesty was perpatrated by a Skiffytown hero. Whenever the filthiest act of dishonesty and deception is foisted upon honest people (even Villains), you can always follow its source to a so called "hero".

Of course when his master posts these two post elements;

Look! There's Zetaman's picture, right next to instructions on where to buy a laser that can be used to harm people. And following are instructions on how to use it. Zetaman has since wisely removed his public support of this kind of inhumane monstrosity of a blogger (who should really be reported...).

Further evidence to this theme is that "Tothian: Leader of the RLSH" appears to have run into some trouble with his heroic compatriots. He's not alone though. It appears that Phoenix Jones may also be assisting in the skullduggery. Or becoming greater than all the Seattle based Real Life Superheroes combined!

And in case your stomach is not quite full of the bile of madcap superhero misadventures, the heroes are all a-tizzy about a documentary style reality show that shows them as they truly are. Without their media flacks filtering and hiding their awful, sordid truths. Sight unseen, one is thinking the IFC Channel produced series Hero House, produced by Red Line Films, sounds very entertaining. Don't forget to encourage them to show us the REAL Real Life Superheroes, and how they really are.


And in closing;

Our collected sincere best wishes go forth to our collegue Computer King, creator of the Villainous Verse, and his Groundbreaking Itunes Podcast Series. He remains a Visionary of Villainy, and in our dark thoughts and our black shrivelled hearts in this his time of courage. Get well soon Computer King. You remain the undisputed King of Villainy, and your absence is our great loss.

-Lord Malignance