In this season of Holidays, the religions of the world glorify and proclaim with great prominence and excitement, the importance of their most special days. Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Ganesh Sankashti Chaturti, Winter Solstice and Festivus are all celebrated, respected, and kept sacred, as they should be.
There is one unholiday however, that is always overlooked. Conspiracy adherents are wont to point out in this season, that it is more evidence of the good, endeavoring to keep the hard working Villain down. Certainly this unholiday is not as old as some of the other Holy-days in December, but it is one cherished by Villains none the less. That unholiday is "Ubermas" (Umlaut over the "U" where possible), and it is a time of celebration and opulance for the Evil.
The origin of Ubermas has been shrouded in the mists of time, with claim, counterclaim, conjecture and outright lies adding to the hidden mystery. "The Truth!" some may cry, demanding an understanding they could not hope to approach. These others might need the truth to attempt to comprehend something unattainable, but no, as a Villainous festivity we celebrate the lies, misdirections, and obfuscations inherent in the nature of our unholiday. Some may even be true - who can tell? So much is in fact unknown, and likely outright fabrication, that even the day itself on which to celebrate Ubermas is not universally recognized. And so, as tradition holds, each year a Villain in Evil Standing may proclaim the day in December that Ubermas will occur, and then on that day, Ubermas will be celebrated.
Often times throughout history, this will cause strife and conflict, as warring Cabals of Villains choose and declare different days. This conflict is also appreciated as part of the unholiday, and in various ways, represented by favorite stories told about Lucrezia Borgia, a patron of Villainy, or offerings of recognition to the dark god Krelm, among many other traditions. (At the Lair, we leave goblets by the sub basement trapdoor, filled w/wine for "the Wraith of Borgia" to come and poison. Some say, on the days surrounding Ubermas, if you have been very, very Evil, you can catch a glimpse of her seen in reflections on windows - just out of the corner of your eye.)
Great Feasts are held, special treats are prepared, fine clothes are worn, and oppulance abounds. Here Villains put on display all that their efforts have afforded them. The fine plates, and silverware are brought out, the best wines and spirits served, and the cruelest punishments delivered to the minions. These are the days of Villainy Resplendant! Of days spent boasting, and nights spent dancing. Villainous waltzes are the preferred, but any dance will do, and no one is discouraged. Even Henchman celebrate, and the Minions too, for they know as part of the opulance, they will receive bonuses (and beatings) demonstrating the mightiness of their ruler.
As with the Displays of Grandness, there are also the Practices of Greed and "Selling Out". Yes, while other holidays declare they are not about commerce, the unholiday of Ubermas proclaims it IS about commerce. Sell what you can, everything you can, and rejoice in the sublime excess pleasures of the free economy. Greed to extreme, let all know you are in it for the money, and wallow in your awful avariciousness. Others may claim that rapaciousness is unbecoming a Villain, and at least overtly, it may be seen as so, but not in the season of Ubermas. Quite the contrary, for here there is the celebration of being a Villain, and sharing that joy with other Villains, Henchmen and Henchwomen, Minions, Hired Muscle, Corrupt Politicians, Fallen superheroes, the Evil, and the world entire.
Demonstrations of Malevolence also abound, as many Villains create opportunities for the world to appreciate the unrelenting work of Evil. Sometimes mischief, sometimes tricks, always with an Addamsesque twist to make people think. The good have their preconceptions - challenge them! Villainy is fun, valuable, unappreciated, can be shared with everyone, and can bring the world together in the mathmatical beauty of Perfect Evil.
The Evil Celebrations have been going on for days now, and if you haven't had an opportunity to learn and share in the Season of Villainy, then you are invited to please enjoy the efforts by;
Agent Beryllium
Computer King
(with a black-heart filled welcome back to health and your powers)
Malvado
Overlord
Poop Knife
White Skull
(To any Villains one did not add, please post in comments, and the links will be amended. You may know that you have ones apologies in advance.)
On to other news;
One has been behind in work, as so much is dependent on "Being there" and being inspired. The sleeplessness has taken it's toll, and the quality has diminished. It could be the chocolate and caffeine, or the Non Stop Ubermas Raves (dance parties at night), but it has slowed down productivity. That shouldn't stop the following tradition however;
The Second Annual Lord Malignance Holiday Challenge!
This years question;
"What would happen if all the superheroes suddenly went away?"
Your questions in the comments fields will be taken, combined, codified where necessary, and then put into a Survey Box for voting. The answer with the highest votes wins. There may be cheating, as this is a Villainous Tradition, so be prepared to be brilliant, crafty and skillful (thus eliminating the chance that heroes can participate). Last year's winners Black Sun and Exit Nero won in an avalanche of ballot box stuffing, which was masterfully comitted, expertly denied, and thoughtfully plotted. May your participation be as well received.
Lord Malignance Tributes!
On top of Ubermas parties, there are also the parties going on around the Lair. With the retirement of the ArchNemesis Phantom Zero (from the RLSH), the cake eating has gone out of control (suprising amounts of sugar in frosting). Adding to the giddiness (yes, though unbecoming, Lord Malignance, Vain Tyrant of Colorado, can be "giddy" from time to time) is that a number of Tributes have been coming in, celebrating this victory. To the artists, and their patrons, one extends sincere gratitude, and appreciation for your talents. Readers may find tributes of subjegation here, and here, and a tribute of recognition here. You may rest assured that these most appreciated efforts will all find their way to the Fine Art collection inside the Lair.
May a Sinister Ubermas of tremendous Fortune and Opportunity decend upon us all,
-Lord Malignance
