Malignosphere Update

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SUtech Not a Large Language Model, a tasker - and then Chat-GPT came out and it has APIs (the same that blew up when upgrading to Windows10. 

M-Lifters

The Annual Accounting 2023

Greetings and Lamentations, I AM Lord Malignance and before Me you will Crouch! 
Villains excepted, of course. 

Each year as it has always been, as Master of the Mighty Colorado Holdfast One performs an annual duty called "the Accounting". One will travel the state and accept tribute from the vassalage. This goes to funding the schemes and machinations One is so well known for. You could think of it as a continuum of red envelopes (as the tradition warrants) which flow from those that benefit from my Rule, returning a small fraction as an acknowledgement. If the a boosta is too generous, you might see this as a demonstration of success, or certainly a bribe of some sort. Ah, the good times. You may contrast this with the Season of Evil, Ubermas, wherein One will in turn fete my most loyal thralls with tokens of One's own Opulence. It's a tradition to never look threadbare in front of your lessers. 

The three Ninja Clans - Iga, Koga, and Shinobi have a version of this, but it is deeply ritualized, and it is considered a severe insult to either Give money, or receive it. But Oh, how the money does manage to exchange hands. It's done with subtlety and guile following traditional and expected roles. You see, One can never accept a gift. You must deny the honor no less than three times, for less than this makes you seem needy. And you must not Thank them, for that would make Them seem needy. This is best done with visible eyes, but you would present an acknowledgement. One does this with a micro bow. A tilt of the head in a formal deference. And then the ceremony (ritualized tea with a demonstration of Ninja performances) continues. 

This year had started out swimmingly and Quite profitably One might add - until One became aware of an Incursion. But more on That in a moment, for Now One wants to speak on the Underworld of Villains in America. There Are these figureheads in Other countries, but they are more formalized here, and One is much more familiar with them. 

In California, the Underworld there is ruled by a series of Dons, a carryover from the time when Spain ruled California. Nevada has a Chairman of the Board, reflecting the legacy of Sinatra and his gang of Hench known colloquially as "the Rat Pack". My Colorado has a History of "Mountain Lords", traditionally spoken of as "Dire Lords". Other mountainous states might have these as well, but One does not know of any others. The South has no shortage of "Colonels", New York has a "Controller", Wyoming oddly has either a Pirate King or a Pirate Queen - it changes somewhat frequently. Louisiana has something to do with Voodoo (but if One has heard correctly, the current Ruler of that Kingdom is not actually involved in that religion, but continues the traditions regardless). But in the Cattle lands, they have always been ruled by "Barons". 

While travelling the length and breadth of the Mighty Colorado Holdfast, it came to One's attention that there was an Incursion event that occurred in the city of Olathe. My Colorado. A heist of our prized Olathe Sweet Corn. This by the way, is the best corn in all the world, bar none. But it must be harvested by Hand as it is a delicate treasure. And so, One was obliged to investigate and seek what recompense a Villain may. This led to Oneself and the Malignance Crew ("the Mob") chasing clues which led us into the state of Kansas. Now - One is a Dire Lord of Colorado, and Here One is All. But Out of State - One is far less and by traditions Villains hold, Uninvited, One is a target OF the Ruler of their land. Yet - One was Tasked with vengeance and vengeance Would be mine. It became clear by the absurdities of the crime, that a Villain was involved and one with more resources than a hench would have. Certainly this would be the Kansas Ruler of the the Underworld there, and so One reasoned it would be a Cattle Baron. 

However, it turns out unlike Texas and Oklahoma, Kansas is Not ruled by a Cattle Baron, but instead by a Corn King. 

A freaking Corn King.

Over a Month, One tracked this Villain across his state and it wasn't long before he Knew One was there - an Incursion Event in His lands. The traps he laid were cunning and ruthless as you might expect, and One was certainly a target of every denizen of his fertile flat land who might recognize and report me. Fortunately, the subterfuges we undertook were sufficient to evade his dragnet and his Corn-tractors were only dangerous in close spaces. You may have heard of  the "Kansas Two-Step" - that was a tactic he was using against me. It was idiotic, but provided One with further clues as to his power base (he was "connected" as we say, to the Day Government). This meant seat of power, and a larger city. And where would you Find a Villain in the Farmer State of Kansas? Why Dodge City, of course. Historic land of Outlaws and Western Villains. The Clues were everywhere. 

The City Water Tower

Unlike a Normal City with Pigeons, a Villain City would of course, have Vultures. (Turkey Vultures to be precise). 

Quite everywhere you would find the veneration of the Outlaws and SuperVillains who ran around in times past. 

Eventually we Would track down a hench (typical hench hideout, see the picture next. But This picture we found held a ring that was being used by Corn King to reward his hench. A membership token as it were. Also, because Villains, it was purchasable on Amazon. So we had our way In. Well - not Me, Obviously - but My Hench could infiltrate His hench. 

Henchmen Hideout. You can always find a dive bar or a bar along the riverside where Henchmen go. This was roughly equivalent and we would find those who we needed to coerce. 

Where might the Ruler of Kansas - the "Corn King" have his hideout in Dodge City? Well, the clues were not subtle...

Downtown, naturally, the Corn Castle. 

Now, One couldn't E-liminate the Corn King - his transgression requiring attention as it Did and a necessarily adequate reprisal did not rise to the level of burning his empire to the ground. And you never know what you'll get when a Villain is replaced. It could be Horrible. But Villains Can do something symbolic and Symbolism is Legend in the Underworld. One could Touch him. Demonstrate that the Peril of One's Will was without limits or boundaries. You should know though, it's pretty much Colorado, exclusively. One doesn't travel well, and the danger to my person (least of which is from Hague Capture Squads pursing Red Notice enforcement. No extradition, officially). Still, One can't let an Incursion Event slide, or Other Villains will be doing it, or Worse, superheroes will scuttle about like cockroaches seeking nests. 

Suffice to say, his hench weren't sure who "Lord Malignance" was, and had only heard that One was truly dreadful. Little did they know! It didn't take long in a warehouse on the outskirts of town and a carpet knife to properly introduce Oneself. He gave up Everything. And so, One was able to ambush Corn King, touch his shoulder and intimidate him sufficiently that we shouldn't have any of these unfortunate mistakes in future. One reminded him of the Invisible Colorado Ninja Empire and my existing and maintained pact with their clans should he wish to try something unwise in the future. 

On the way out of state, we - of Course, committed petty mischief as you might expect. A further reminder why you should remember the name Malignance, and that Colorado is protected and it is Ruled. 

All in all, the annual Accounting, which normally takes a month, ran two months and One needed a month after all That to assess and debrief the whole adventure. 

He wears a crown of corn. That's all One is saying. 
A 

Crown

of 

Corn. 

-M.