Greetings,
One has spent a few nights cackling, and this has had the unfortunate effect of putting one under the weather. Bob can be particularly taxing as he prepares for his upcoming vacation, and ones travel for the Accounting is pressing ones schedule. Bob must find homes for his “darlinks” before he leaves, and his loathsome collection of rats are not native fauna to Colorado and would not be able to survive if set free. They’re universally nasty things, so one can’t be certain they would expire, but as there are no such animals outside the lair, one holds this theory. If he lets them go, one is certain the bubonic plague will return to native rabbit populations.
He may just eat them.
Herding of Staff;
Bob the Minion would like it to be known, that he is not a “wampire” and is in fact Strigoi Vi. This he claims is a significant difference, and cause of much confusion. Furthermore, while one allows him to serve as messenger and errand runner, Bob considers himself “Stolnic to the Lair of Lord Malignance”. This title he claims is equivalent to Seneschal, and in Nixon’s absence, Bob, though my lowest of minions, will fulfill this role. This change in title will replace “Minion and Servant to my Lord Malignance”. He will also act as my emissary going forward.
Odd fact about Bob: He has no conception of Television. None. If you were to tell him it was invented 300 years ago, he would believe you. He likens it to furniture, and sees no particular value to it, except as noise and light. Computers fare slightly better, as he has been shown to interact with them when he so chooses, or when called upon.
Ghost of Nixon will be returning to Southern California, and will continue as Henchman #1, so long as he obeys my will, and fulfills his duties to serve me. His title will remain “Ghost of Nixon, Henchman and Servant to my Lord Malignance”. His expanded responsibilities will be to begin engaging the trolls, and though he’s diplomatically as blunt as a mallet, ones duties to staff include training and polishing the next generation of Villains. Should he offend, please email or comment here, and he will be disciplined.
Odd fact about Nixon: His ghostly powers do not appear to extend to picking up after himself, and his litter strewn debris field has been called “The DMZ”. He also, oddly enough, doesn’t actually believe in the supernatural. Why is he “Ghost” of Nixon? His answers vary, but tend along the lines of admiration for the former president, and apparently virtually non existent talent in stage magic. He may in fact be THE worst magician ever.
Candy Bar Fueled Bipolar Powers fading until next time,
-Lord Malignance
Ahhh, minions are a great asset to own. Although I normally find myself at a shortage of minions these dayas as a result of either eatting them alive or beating them to death. Saylavee.
ReplyDeleteLord of The Apes,
-Grodd
Grodd,
ReplyDeleteThank you and welcome. Yes, the good old days when Minion Beating was an talent one cultivated through practice and sportsman like activity. Why to think, that at one time, Minions would only respect a Villain for his Megalomania and frequent, random, and often unneccessary beatings. Those were the bad old days..
-Lord Malignance
You know what they do to henchmen with non-existent talent with legerdemain?
ReplyDeleteChop off their hands. Prevents them from trying again. The next time they'll be performing magic is when you put them into that saw-the-person-in-half-trickbox. Except it's not a trickbox. It might be a capsule. And it won't be a trick.
Harbinger
Harbinger,
ReplyDeleteMy "ghostly powers" mmm, of prestidigitation are rusty, that's all. You would think that a few bum card tricks, and some mmm, caught sleight of hand swipes would be overlooked. That's why I have mmm, the ghost schtick - it's all misdirection. Look at these glowing eyes over here mmm, (don't look over there). If there were any appreciation, I'm like a blue collar Mysterio! Damn mmm, Mentalist, setting impossible standards.
Boss,
The DMZ, you'll notice mmm, keeps Comrade Cocoa out. Someone tell me mmm, do all henchmen travel Greyhound?
Ghost returning to the Coast,
-Ghost of Nixon
Henchman and Servant to my Lord Malignance
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete(Second post, sans the ranting)
ReplyDeleteGhost of Nixon,
Travel by Greyhound should be preferred, and you should be thankful! Bob fully intends to wander off into the dark, his posessions in a bag. One FOUND the hydro capacitor we spent last week looking for. You'll pay for that. Get ready to spend your evenings listening to Blogtalk Radio.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Your Lord and Master,
Lord Malignance
Ghost of Nixon,
ReplyDeleteMmm... I do love me some misdirection. Perhaps a hand chopping is not in order.
Forget the Mentalist. You shall train harder than ever before and you shall rise in rank until you can misdirect the pants off of the Mentalist. >8D... Assuming that your Lord Malignance allows you to.
Harbinger