Thursday, August 19, 2010
Invisible Colorado Ninja Empire
Greetings and Lamentations, I AM Lord Malignance, and you WILL crouch before me now! (Villains excepted, of course).
One has spoken previously about the Ninja Industry in ones Colorado Holdfast, and as this is such an important component in the work Evil does, it does regularly require care and attention to support. Evil Masterminds from across the world, find in this world economic downturn many advantages to investing in the services of domestic Ninjas, and Colorado produces the finest Ninjas outside of Japan.
Here are only a few of the (above board) Ninja Factories Colorado is proud to have produced;
Kuso Dojo
Chikaraken Dojo
Kaizen Martial Arts
Kashiwa Bujinkan Ninjutsu
As one is recognized by the three primary Ninja clans as “Daimyo Malignance” one cultivates and maintains with the Ninja community a pact, which from time to time must be amended. This is one such time, and so one will be taking a small vacation from Online Evil, to pursue a strategic leveraging based on recent Invisible Colorado Ninja Empire events.
While it wasn’t in the news, the three great clans in ones Holdfast (Shinobi, Koga, and Iga) recently engaged in a ruthless Ninja war which raged for weeks through downtown Denver, and through many offices, parks, and streets. Because of the stealthy, secretive, and mind controlling techniques of the Ninjas, most if not all people were entirely unaware of the terrible body count resulting from this three way war. Legends tell us that well trained Ninjas of such high quality as those created in the Colorado Holdfast (Colorado Ninjas – your number one domestic choice for stealthy operations!) naturally turn into smoke when they expire, and this may also have contributed to the brutal Colorado Ninja war remaining unreported.
However, with the temporary decline in Ninja power, one is seizing the opportunity to renegotiate the current pact with the clans – while they are being squeezed by Yakuza interests (some money always flows back to Japan in some kind of Ninja franchising deal one has never understood) and attempts by Wyoming’s Wasteland Pirates (natural enemies of Ninjas) to extend their sovereignty into ones Holdfast.
Funny story about dealing with different crime gangs:
With La Cosa Nostra, you meet with the Caporegime in a "sit down" he tells you how much he wants, you put it in an envelope (you can call it money or whatever you want), and you hand him the envelope.
Then fuggedaboutit.
With the Clans, you meet each Shogun for lunch. Beforehand, underlings you must first meet with, will hint at a financial range that would demonstrate proper respect. On the day of the meeting, you will small talk for quite some time – and never speak of business. Then you will have lunch, and during lunch a “shimobe” will become known to you. To this person, discreetly, you will slip the envelope, hidden from view of all others (You must never refer to it as “money” or “payment”). Soon after, the Shimobe will approach the Shogun, and whisper in his (or in the case of Shinobe "her") ear.
At this point, should your “offering” be found worthy, you will be invited to a round of golf (you can never allow yourself to win), or to wander the garden and speak business as do old friends.
Should your offering be found unworthy, the Shogun will demonstrate a displeasure with the meal, feigning a dislike for something he/she has eaten. The lunch will conclude, and you will be allowed to leave. You may then expect Ninja reprisals, which usually are demonstrative of the Shogun’s displeasure. This is called “Negotiation”. If you can trap and wound a Ninja, and produce a body to the Shogun, you may feign besmirched honor, and the Shogun will be honor bound to accept your terms.
The trick is: Ninjas can’t stay off your roof. Put a bear trap up there, and check it in the morning, and you’ll have captured at least one Ninja in a matter of days.
Three clans over 5 days, and possible Ninja reprisals over the following week, and one should be in a better leveraged position with the Invisible Colorado Ninja Empire by early the week after next.
Should somehow, a Ninja get me, one leaves the Holdfast to Villainy, to protect from the designs of heroes.
-Lord Malignance
Friday, August 13, 2010
Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Greetings,
One has been purusing the net, looking for clues as to Krampus's latest mental break with reality, (ones response is the previous post) and found this gem.
It's probably true that Krampus will blame one for this too, but one has broad shoulders, and is Evil - so, ok!
But it truly is hilarious from top to bottom. And of course it celebrates the hilarity of superheroes.
-Lord Malignance
How much unlimited Evil can one MetaVillain create?
One has been purusing the net, looking for clues as to Krampus's latest mental break with reality, (ones response is the previous post) and found this gem.
It's probably true that Krampus will blame one for this too, but one has broad shoulders, and is Evil - so, ok!
But it truly is hilarious from top to bottom. And of course it celebrates the hilarity of superheroes.
-Lord Malignance
How much unlimited Evil can one MetaVillain create?
Creature Features; RIP
Greetings and Lamentations, I AM Lord Malignance, and you WILL crouch before me now! (Villains excepted, of course).
One has been catching up on work around the Lair (no success in the lab) and became aware of an issue involving the demon. Yes, it appears Krampus has been ignored too long, and now wants some attention. From the post on his blog, it appears that he's quite convinced, no one is listening to his blogtalk radio show. And no wonder! Since Executrix left, it's devolved into (and one really doesn't listen either, so this is conjecture) Krampus whining about his miserable, worthless life, and his frequent forays into homoerotica.
One is fine with this (as you can imagine). However, there is his quote that has drawn attention, and just to cover bases, one takes a moment to address that now;
"And if you hold any concerns for yourselves or the well beings of anyone you know that may be on the Naughty list, start filing restraining orders now. 102 522 1070 1035 1014 1070 1028 1073"
The threat to harm others is, and always has been unacceptable. If it's to be taken as parody, you must clue your audience in on the joke. At first one thought the numbers were street addresses of people you were going to go out and hurt!
This of course leads one to feel sympathy for you Krampus and a genuine concern for your safety.
One can imagine perhaps, just a small fraction of the pain you must feel, being trapped living a lie, as you do. You can come out of the closet. These are not times past - you would be made to feel normal, as you should - as you can. You don't have to bear the loneliness that hurts you so very, very much.
As to these other, lurid desires of yours to harm others, you embarrass your heroic masters. What would DC's Guardian say (other than quoting Captain America comic books)? Yes, you claim to be a "Krampus", a demon who hunts down, judges, and punishes small children. Seperate yourself from this persona before your tortured mental illness stemming from your repressed sexual desires drives you over the edge! You don't have to go out and hurt or kill any (more?) children. Stop the cycle now!
One sincerly hopes you get the mental health treatment you are crying out for. If anyone reading this blog knows Krampus personally (you have ones sympathies), please - before it's too late, get him the care he needs. He thought to call the FBI for a concern over "Zombie Gas". By his own standards, how can heroes do less for him now, now that he's telling everyone he's planning to go out and rape, murder, and hurt, small children. All he asks for ransom is that you pay attention to him, so that his lonliness goes away for even just a moment, and he doesn't need to go out and murder, eat, rape small children. And animals.
The world doesn't need one more pathetic, sad, depressing, cry for help unanswered.
-Lord Malignance
Funny story seems to be developing here; It appears his issue, and all his faux outrage, is yet again, a concern of his own making. In laymans terms to our hero readers; "It's his own fault".
One has been catching up on work around the Lair (no success in the lab) and became aware of an issue involving the demon. Yes, it appears Krampus has been ignored too long, and now wants some attention. From the post on his blog, it appears that he's quite convinced, no one is listening to his blogtalk radio show. And no wonder! Since Executrix left, it's devolved into (and one really doesn't listen either, so this is conjecture) Krampus whining about his miserable, worthless life, and his frequent forays into homoerotica.
One is fine with this (as you can imagine). However, there is his quote that has drawn attention, and just to cover bases, one takes a moment to address that now;
"And if you hold any concerns for yourselves or the well beings of anyone you know that may be on the Naughty list, start filing restraining orders now. 102 522 1070 1035 1014 1070 1028 1073"
The threat to harm others is, and always has been unacceptable. If it's to be taken as parody, you must clue your audience in on the joke. At first one thought the numbers were street addresses of people you were going to go out and hurt!
This of course leads one to feel sympathy for you Krampus and a genuine concern for your safety.
One can imagine perhaps, just a small fraction of the pain you must feel, being trapped living a lie, as you do. You can come out of the closet. These are not times past - you would be made to feel normal, as you should - as you can. You don't have to bear the loneliness that hurts you so very, very much.
As to these other, lurid desires of yours to harm others, you embarrass your heroic masters. What would DC's Guardian say (other than quoting Captain America comic books)? Yes, you claim to be a "Krampus", a demon who hunts down, judges, and punishes small children. Seperate yourself from this persona before your tortured mental illness stemming from your repressed sexual desires drives you over the edge! You don't have to go out and hurt or kill any (more?) children. Stop the cycle now!
One sincerly hopes you get the mental health treatment you are crying out for. If anyone reading this blog knows Krampus personally (you have ones sympathies), please - before it's too late, get him the care he needs. He thought to call the FBI for a concern over "Zombie Gas". By his own standards, how can heroes do less for him now, now that he's telling everyone he's planning to go out and rape, murder, and hurt, small children. All he asks for ransom is that you pay attention to him, so that his lonliness goes away for even just a moment, and he doesn't need to go out and murder, eat, rape small children. And animals.
The world doesn't need one more pathetic, sad, depressing, cry for help unanswered.
-Lord Malignance
Funny story seems to be developing here; It appears his issue, and all his faux outrage, is yet again, a concern of his own making. In laymans terms to our hero readers; "It's his own fault".
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Victory for Villainy!
Greetings and Lamentations!
A movie about people putting on costumes and fighting crime came out. It was called "Kick Ass". A little later, another movie came out, extolling the Awesomeness of being a Villain. It was called "Despicable Me", and is still in the theatres, delighting millions. A contest of philosophies you think?
But no, it has been no contest. For Villainy Rules, and superheroes suck.
Domestic Total Gross = 48,071,303.00 *
-Gloat. Glooooooaaaat. Gloating McGloat. The Gloatanizer. Mr. Gloat-Gloat. Sir Gloatsalot. Old Gloaty. GLOAT ! (Lord Malignance)
*Endorsed by RLSH.net
A movie about people putting on costumes and fighting crime came out. It was called "Kick Ass". A little later, another movie came out, extolling the Awesomeness of being a Villain. It was called "Despicable Me", and is still in the theatres, delighting millions. A contest of philosophies you think?
But no, it has been no contest. For Villainy Rules, and superheroes suck.
Domestic Total Gross = 48,071,303.00 *-Gloat. Glooooooaaaat. Gloating McGloat. The Gloatanizer. Mr. Gloat-Gloat. Sir Gloatsalot. Old Gloaty. GLOAT ! (Lord Malignance)
*Endorsed by RLSH.net
Thursday, August 5, 2010
A New Year, and STILL Stealing...
Greetings and Lamentations, I AM Lord Malignance, and you WILL crouch before me now! (Villains excepted, of course) .
A new year, and one is taking a small vacation, however... one became aware of an interesting story and wanted to share it with you. The Artist Formerly Known as the White Skull, has the discovery on his page here.
The Real Life Super Hero Kesh: Mastermind of RLSH has a video below. His youtube ID TheKesh707 may refer to the area code in Northern California. He's apparently pulled down quite a few videos he has put up previously, but this one is fun because it is delicious for the purposes of Villainy. Not ten seconds into his video, he proudly displays his weapons, one assumes his "tools of the trade", and they include two guns, knives, a sword and possibly a bow.
He ends his video with a demonstration, one assumes, of what he wishes to do to any people he assumes are "evil doers". Without any due process or criminal justice training (evidenced by his very stupid purpose), or legal authority, he reminds all people who may encounter him, they need to escalate their aresenal to survive his meeting.
Now, working the opposite side of the fence of justice, one may not be terribly familiar with community watch programs, but feels quite sure that vigilantes should not be sneaking around dressed as ninjas (Ninjas!) and shooting at people. If you are dressed as a Super Hero, looking for crime, and attempt to control behavior through the inflicting of terror by the brandishment of weapons or by your frightening masked appearance, your tyranny will be resisted by law abiding citizens.
Of course, concern for inflicting terror, has never stopped a Real Life Super Hero - though there are worthy exceptions.
And for any vermin out there, you will note that his proud brandishing of weapons appears not as reaction to Villains, but yet again, as a response to the activities of the Real Life Super Heroes (RLSH).
One states again, Villainy does not condone violence, or harm to others. We are capable of enslaving humanity, and ruling the world through more sinister means. Villainy states this, and abides by this convenant. Will the heroes be heroic and do the same? No, they will not, to their continued shame. Because of this, innocent people remain in danger tonight.
Villainy - it's not just fulfilling - sometimes it's patriotic!
-Lord Malignance
A new year, and one is taking a small vacation, however... one became aware of an interesting story and wanted to share it with you. The Artist Formerly Known as the White Skull, has the discovery on his page here.
The Real Life Super Hero Kesh: Mastermind of RLSH has a video below. His youtube ID TheKesh707 may refer to the area code in Northern California. He's apparently pulled down quite a few videos he has put up previously, but this one is fun because it is delicious for the purposes of Villainy. Not ten seconds into his video, he proudly displays his weapons, one assumes his "tools of the trade", and they include two guns, knives, a sword and possibly a bow.
He ends his video with a demonstration, one assumes, of what he wishes to do to any people he assumes are "evil doers". Without any due process or criminal justice training (evidenced by his very stupid purpose), or legal authority, he reminds all people who may encounter him, they need to escalate their aresenal to survive his meeting.
Now, working the opposite side of the fence of justice, one may not be terribly familiar with community watch programs, but feels quite sure that vigilantes should not be sneaking around dressed as ninjas (Ninjas!) and shooting at people. If you are dressed as a Super Hero, looking for crime, and attempt to control behavior through the inflicting of terror by the brandishment of weapons or by your frightening masked appearance, your tyranny will be resisted by law abiding citizens.
Of course, concern for inflicting terror, has never stopped a Real Life Super Hero - though there are worthy exceptions.
And for any vermin out there, you will note that his proud brandishing of weapons appears not as reaction to Villains, but yet again, as a response to the activities of the Real Life Super Heroes (RLSH).
One states again, Villainy does not condone violence, or harm to others. We are capable of enslaving humanity, and ruling the world through more sinister means. Villainy states this, and abides by this convenant. Will the heroes be heroic and do the same? No, they will not, to their continued shame. Because of this, innocent people remain in danger tonight.
Villainy - it's not just fulfilling - sometimes it's patriotic!
-Lord Malignance
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Happy Malignopalooza!
"Greetings and Lamentations",And with those words, one year ago today and 100 posts ago, one began a reign of Evil.
A year of punishing heroes!
Most Recently Zetaman, Master Legend: Greatest RLSH and Tothian: Leader of RLSH (low hanging fruit), Thunderspawn the Destroyer, and others as it amused one to do so.
A year of humiliating trolls!
If you mention their names, they feel a sliver of justification, and one enjoys their silent tears as they weep for absent acknowledgement.
A year of unsuccessfully (so far) overthrowing the Potentate in a sinister coup!
A year of carrying a torch for the Baroness!
(Seriously. Cobra Commander? Bah!)
A year of building up the Organization of Lord Malignance!
No better name, - still.
The Fleet of Malignance is up and running, though maintenence costs will eventually bankrupt me.
Ghost of Nixon, Bob, and the Rats have moved on.
Ghost of Nixon, Bob, and the Rats have moved on.
The Diabolical Madame X will move in sometime, and she has cats. Comrade Cocoa rejoices.
The Lair needs Lifesupport before next summer! 90- inside (!) today.
A year of development, but no firm successes in the Lab!
The Helm of Malignance v5. Prototype pending
Malignobot - concept, skill building in progress - pushed way back.
MalignoSoundCanon - shopping for parts.
Locust Control - a failure.
Roundup Resistant MalignoWeed - a failure. Roundup is (no endorsement unless one sees $) tough.
A year of dominating the RLSH in general!
Googlebomb Memes "Master Legend: Greatest RLSH", "Tothian: Leader of RLSH", and "Zetaman: Salesman of RLSH" - successful for "hearing da lamentations of duh heroes" (to paraphrase Conan) but unsuccessful as a true Googlebomb - Google is smarter than that. (Thank you sponsor of ones blog).
Hero Tears: Low in calories, but High in sodium. Delicious and habit forming.
A year of attempting to eliminate ones hated ArchNemesis Phantom Zero!
Oh, he is asking for it too.
Instrument of Evil - Codename:C.E.L.L.O. - No success so far. The Pepsi Refresh project is a little fishy about their submissions. One doesn't have the time, nor staff to follow up with them in a timely enough manner it seems. That said, one will never allow setbacks deter one from defeating ones ArchNemesis.
A year of secret projects, and sinister machinations!
One has a few things cooking in the background, awaiting their deployment. Waiting, patiently requiring only ones summons.
A year of basking in the joy of meeting so many talented and wonderful Villains!
One cherishes the qualities each of you brings to Evil.
Mac and your crowd at Go, Go, Maligno!
One finds favor in your work (so far) and ones trust is slowly being earned.
First Church of Malignism > Cult of Legend.
Brick, one expects you to discover more of Ones truths. Do what you must (safely), but deliver more content. And should you lure away one of Master Legends cult members into your religion in Ones name, one will favor you with minionship.
So on this, our first Malignopalooza, one raises a glass of cognac to you and wishes you all a happy day (it's quite late now) and an Evil year looking forward.
Happy Malignopalooza!
-Lord Malignance
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