Greetings and Lamentations,
The Lair has been active of late working on different projects, but during this time, one has had opportunities to record some thoughts. They are as follows, for your reading pleasure.
Exploring Avenues of Evil: some ideas to think about. One is certain that an opportunity for mischief will present itself.
Demonstration of Respect for Sword Kane: I’ve read on the Internet, that our fellow Villain Sword Kane, may be embroiled in a concern and could use a kind word. If you wouldn’t mind, please take a moment and show him that Villains, though heartless scum (and proud of it), are not without concern for one of our own.
From the Reading List: Supervillains and Philosophy, edited by Ben Dyer. It’s dry reading, but promises to be insightful. One is not finding anything profound within its pages (yet), though the writers are all most qualified. Still, if there was a curriculum for Villainy, this book would have to be a staple in the small library.
As far as one can tell, Citizen Prime caught the Utah condition known as “Adult Parent” and has semi retired. So, Villains planning various attacks using magnets will have to mothball those plans for the time being.
One had a thought about feeding the homeless, in order that they may be groomed into a more adequate minion recruiting pool. Peanut butter. Yes, George Washington Carver’s creative brilliance (Canadian claims to the contrary may be attributed to a certain Red Helmeted Time Meddler). Peanut butter is a high source of protein, economical, and requires no refrigeration. It can be rationed and used sparingly to prolong its’ availability. One suspects large ticket stores (Sam’s Club, etc) may have copious quantities or large volume containers. There may be peanut allergies, and this would be a consideration to be wary of. However, for those who can enjoy the sublime pleasure of peanut butter, the dietary benefits are significant.
Phantom Zero may just be the laziest hero in the world. Other than reading and updating his various websites, he seems to be in a low productivity mode. My challenges to him on youtube, remain unanswered and one’s conclusion must be that Phantom Zero has found new avenues to pursue his heroic tendencies. This does not negate ones decision to name him as Arch Nemesis, far from it. One will track him to the fiery lakes of perdition itself, for he tasks me. ME! Lord Malignance! One could have had and disposed of half a dozen tree dwelling lesser heroes by now, however beating on that sofa dwelling seven foot albino Belgian has proven to be most satisfactory. Even now, his stature as a hero so greatly diminished, that lesser Villains begin taking swings at him, sensing that he is helpless. One expects that he too will start down the long road of beer swilling, White Snake listening, girth enhancing, self delusion that will spell his doom.
Side note: Phantom Zero, if you are reading this (and one suspects you don’t) and there is something going on in your life outside of the Mask, then please accept my humblest apologies. Do take care of your personal business, set your world to right, and when you so choose, return at your leisure. I will be here to destroy you.
Villainous Resources: For your Utility Belt: Flash Drive with encryption – you can keep your work handy for when inspiration strikes. Pay As You Go phone from Walmart: No proof of identity necessary if you pay with cash. Lord Malignance has a phone number, and can crank call Phantom Zero now, or call into Blogtalk radio. Swiss Army Knife : just plain useful.
Villainous Motivation: Walmart can turn your photographs into posters, at an affordable price. One is looking into this for Staff Motivational purposes. I think some clipart additions to the pictures might include the text; “I will crush you like an insect!” and “Crouch Before Lord Malignance”, and “Insane. Motivated. Organized. The Total Package”.
General Updates on the Malignance Organization. Comrade Cocoa still does not have a hat, Ghost of Nixon tells me that he is having trouble with his appearance. This is TWO failures. The Forum and his own Identity. Soon, one expects, Comrade Cocoa will achieve ascendancy. Bob the Minion will be monitoring Meow and Friends on Blogtalk Radio, lurking for Phantom Zero. Master Calamity's Challenge nears it’s deadline, and at this time, I’ve got nothing. This week will be productive. Lord Malignance is doing Lair upkeep prior to the coming Winter. In Colorado, there is the legendary Villain “Old Man Winter” and he chooses to just be a miserable tenacious codger every year. The Malignomobile needs a paintjob, new tires, insurance, and some body work. So that won’t be going anywhere anytime soon. Facebook and Myspace need work, and one keeps finding spelling errors on the Website, so that’s going to be more work. Lord Malignance needs more Minions! And minions who are not disaster prone, clumsy, less than bright, night dwellers. And a mountain of cash…
Villainous ways to make a Mountain of Cash: Become a Lobbyist for Congress, and lobby against the interests of the middle class. Form a “ThinkTank” and publish papers on outlandish conspiracies. Find and acquire some government grants for bad science with military applications. If you can put “deathray” on the grant application in enough places, the money should find its’ way to you. The real money however, will be in the foreign spies who will pay you “A Mountain of Cash” to send them your secrets. One would advise giving them false information: It’s safer, and you keep your government contacts available. Of course, to be successful, you should probably give the foreign spies false information and the government false information, and keep your secrets to yourself. Get on a Reality Show/Game Show and cheat. Cheat hard, and often. Cheat with élan, and the beautiful insane brilliance you have in your heart. Step on as many necks as you have to, and shill your logo on EVERYthing. Branding baby seals with your logo, is not too far a step to take.
Keep up the Evil Work everyone,
-Lord Malignance
You aren't the only one with difficulties... I too have had several ideas but cannot carry them out due to time restraints and lack of equipment to upload it.
ReplyDeleteWhile SwordKane has some good rhetoric, he has committed a cardinal sin by dressing as The Joker, which hurts his credibility immensely (Also, for a name like SwordKane, I don't see too many swords... nor "Kanes")
I wouldn't underestimate Phantom Zero, he's the only RLSH with an actual superpower: Soothing Voice. More than once I've found myself falling asleep to his speech, and not because I found him boring.
"All visible objects, man, are but as pasteboard masks. But in each event--in the living act, the undoubted deed--there, some unknown but still reasoning thing put forth the mouldings of its features from behind the unreasoning mask. If man will strike, strike through the mask! How can the prisoner reach outside except by thrusting through the wall? To me, the white whale is that wall, shoved near to me. Sometimes I think there's naught beyond. But 'tis enough. He tasks me; he heaps me; I see in him outrageous strength, with an inscrutable malice sinewing it. That inscrutable thing is chiefly what I hate; and be the white whale agent, or be the white whale principal, I will wreck that hate upon him."
ReplyDelete-Captain Ahab
Supervillain Role Model
You are right about the peanut butter.It is perfect for feeding poor people.I know that aid organisations do it that way in Africa.But it´s no normal peanut butter, it´s enriched with vitamines and stuff like that.
ReplyDelete