Greetings and Lamentations. I AM Lord Malignance, and you WILL crouch before me now.
Being a Villain means never having to fear being labeled “Crackpot”. With this freedom, the gentle Muses of Inspiration whisper horrible nightmares into your subconscious, and if you but listen, the secrets to achieve your darkest dreams reveal themselves.
Hark! You can hear
Melpomene reveal the Evil one begins to craft now.
Table of Contents;
1) Origins
2) Target
3) Design
4) Input and Consideration by the Forces of Evil
5) Launch
6) Advertising Assault
7) Gloating, Denials, and Review
8) Resources
Origins
Pondering what horror my Evil might unleash on an unsuspecting world, and on the seeming failure (at present) of the Evil Scheme “
The Engine of Malignance”, one crafted the scheme “
The Reign of Malignance”. The idea of this latter plan being described as
“The scheme is deceptively simple: Beat the Heroes at their own game. Find some charity, or good deed, do the work, and do it with Evil efficiency and Elan, and then ride that publicity pony on every website, and blog, and newspaper available. Think of the Penguin from Batman 2, and his sweet, seductive manipulation of Gotham's gullible media.”As you will learn, Lord Malignance is a scheme recycler, and keeps this plan running in the background of other operations.
Recently, the Potentate pondering the Zeitgeist of this new Word of Hope and Change, crafted his
Plan to bring about the eventual destruction of Super Heroes. His diabolical plan being described as “
The good people at Pepsi have begun a campaign where they are issuing millions of dollars in grants to people who have good ideas to help the world. I think ROACH should try and share in that piece of the pie. I think this is a chance for us to break out and show the world what a power we could be.”
Combining these two plans would seem to be feasible. Oh, there will be conniving schemes to overthrow someone on the project somewhere – it is in the nature of Villains to seek to sabotage the success of others, and claim all power, resources, and glory for themselves, but the overreaching objective should still be attainable.
Target
As a Villain, it behooves one to keep tabs on one’s
Archnemesis. Though one adheres to
Rule Number 11, the rule does not specify against narrowing the target to a city. One therefore believes that somewhere in or near the peaceful bucolic township of
Paramus, New Jersey, my Archnemesis works his goodness from his
Tower of Virtue. Though this may or may not be true, the value of Paramus as focus remains viable. It is a city with the most stringent of so called Blue Laws, a city of virtuous folks who see the hope in children’s eyes. If not actually my Archnemesis’s doorstep, it should be suitably close enough.
Design
Pepsi has the Refresh Project with money to dole out in grants. Villainy has the desire to harrow the good, and Paramus has Volunteer First Response Agencies that most likely will welcome some much needed funding for equipment upgrades, training resources, and community outreach funding. Some examples of these are found in the resources at the end of this post.
The point we strive to make is that citizenry should not look to heroes in bedsheets for help, and should not condone vigilantes seeking Internet stardom. Their communities already have heroes, and that these people volunteer their time for the benefit of society. In uniform, authorized, deputized (in some cases), and certified to do the jobs of heroes. Or something like this. We don’t argue against heroes per se, we argue for a better and already present and successful alternative.
Yes, that’s why one is Evil.
Input and Consideration by the Forces of EvilBrainstorming, and feedback will want the fostering of a better and yet somewhat secure form of communication. There are no secrets to this plan, and as long as the Advertising Assault (see below) remains sophisticated, and focuses on the positive and not the negative (one admits a weakness here) attributes, this should be something welcomed by all. The fact that it’s a lemon meringue pie in the face of super heroes is just the frosting.
A most valuable secondary achievement is that Evil will have an opportunity to contribute and build community on this project. As there are many pieces to build and develop, and we each have different talents, viewpoints, and resources, we should be able to take from this, the germs of ideas to build something remarkable.
Communication, Skillful Subterfuge, Imagination, Hope for a better tomorrow, Willfulness, Talent, Ego, Megalomania, Insanity, The Bitterness of your empty dark shriveled up soul. What will you bring to the Greatest Challenge of Villainy (to date)?
Launch
Once Pepsi has received our submission for the Grant, it behooves Evil to ply what talents and resources we have to sell this idea to Pepsi and through Youtube to as many people as we can. The way we will do this is through the Advertising Assault (see below). Can we succeed and see the grant money delivered to the worthy? Perhaps not – there are always better ideas out there, however we
can achieve our secondary objective, and that is communicating the idea as stated above (see Design).
Advertising Assault
We will need a headstart to implement the plan, but one’s plan is that in this heated climate of Electoral challenges, that the advertising concept should be simple, jingoistic, and memorable. This meme will follow the idea “Vote Evil [Insert Checkbox]" (or Vote Villainy). From this platform we can, w/our colorful dramatis personae run campaign ideas on why our idea is the best possible idea, and that all other ideas are simply second best. Mud slinging, and scandals can abound, and straw man arguments and fear mongering would be expected. Heroes may respond (see youtube supervillain challenge) and if they do, this won’t be a bad thing, because in the end, the Volunteers may receive resources, or at least some free advertisement. Care will have to be taken not to undermine success by crossing any lines, be these legal, ethical, or of being in poor taste.
Gloating, Denials, and Review
When this is all done, there is another Pepsi challenge for the next month. What can Evil do next? Will losers have concession speeches? Will we hang banners on Websites declaring a Victory for Evil? There may come from this friction and heat, debate and thought. Dialogue, challenge, growth and change.
The Engine of Malignance.
Resources
Pepsi Refresh ProjectThe Potentate’s PlanThe Reign of MalignanceThe Paramus PostParamus Volunteer Ambulance CorpsParamus Ambulance Corps is the primary provider of basic life support (BLS) emergency medical services (EMS) to the Borough of Paramus. We answer calls for medical emergencies, injuries and motor vehicle accidents, and fire and hazardous materials (haz-mat) standbys. We work closely with paramedics from local hospitals, who provide advanced life support services (ALS). We also provide additional services on a nonemergency basis.
Paramus Police ReserveThe Paramus Police Reserve Unit, established over 30 years ago, is one of the oldest Volunteer Auxiliary Police Units in the State of New Jersey. The unit can support up to 25 Reserve Officers who enhance the effectiveness and capabilities of the police department. All of the Reserve Officers hold regular every day jobs, but still wish to donate some of their time to the Borough of Paramus.
The primary function of the Reserve Officer is to assist the regular Police Department wherever and whenever needed. Officers provide assistance with traffic and crowd control during parades and special events, as well as weather emergencies. The Paramus Police Reserve Unit was deployed during Hurricane Floyd and assisted neighboring towns as well as conducted evacuations within the borough.
The Reserve force also provides the department with extra manpower that can be deployed quickly for critical incidents and other situations that require more officers than would otherwise be available. As times have changed, and as the community has grown, the duties of the Police Reserve Officers have increased. The Reserve Officers have been used for securing crime scenes, searching for missing or wanted persons, traffic control at accident scenes and providing for security of buildings and property.Paramus Auxiliary PoliceThe Paramus Police Auxiliary is comprised of up to 25 Volunteer Officers. Our unit trains under the supervision of the Paramus Police Department by patrolling the borough 6 evenings a week and some Saturday afternoons and providing assistance to the community. In addition, our unit responds to emergency situations at all times of the day or night. These situations include floods, storms, downed power lines, snow emergencies, accidents, fires and medical emergencies. Our officers are academy trained and certified and receive in-service training each month.
Recycling Old Bad Schemes into New Bad Schemes,
-Lord Malignance
