First Draft of Campaign Speech for Instrument of Evil.

Campaign style setting, with Lectern, and campaign posters in evidence. Old Glory, in a stand behind your candidate, who calmly walks in to make his speech.

[Audience Applause]

LM: You may crouch. People of Earth, I AM Lord Malignance, attend my words.

LM: One comes to you today, not as an insane megalomaniac bent on the enslavement of all mankind, but instead as an American Businessman. And how IS business these days? Like you, this economic turndown has been trying, made even more difficult by the unwarranted oppression of Superheroes.

LM: While many businesses have seen sharp increases in profitability – your banking conglomerates, defense contractors, healthcare CEOs, Politicians, Sports players, and celebrities, your hard working villains have been tirelessly working in secret, as their economic prospects diminish.

LM: It hasn’t always been like this. Once there was a time when each self respecting villain was able to follow their dream of world domination, and if he or she worked hard and saved well, could afford their own volcano underground base, or orbiting space station. Ah, those were good days – and of course by “good” one means “Evil”.


LM: The cold war eventually ended, and the various world Clandestine Services drove many villains into more modest activities. Many villains gave up their higher calling, sinking into political or religious pursuits and denying their own dreams of “making a difference”. Recently you may recall as one does fondly, the hope we all felt with the many bold successes of the NeoCon cabal. Rapaciousness was alive for villainy once more as many, like ones self, sought opportunities in this new world where none were held responsible for their crimes. The Bill of Rights? Annihilated!

[Audience Applause]

LM: Before we could sink our many sharp claws into corrupted governments, the Evil boom along with the Economic bubble – suddenly burst. Villains were for a moment unsure of what their next far reaching plans should be. Some wrote Tell All books, and went on media tours. Some slithered back into their lairs, awaiting the next opportunity. Hope and Change appeared to be a ray of sunshine, our dark world did not need.

[Audience gasps and awwws]

LM: Seeing a slight chance to in any small way hinder our achievements, so called Real Life Superheroes have appeared, attempting to take advantage of this moment. Undaunted by their many significant emotional, psychological, and physical weaknesses, they have emerged and seek to add to the plight of hard working villains.

[Audience Boos, and some hysterical screaming]

LM: So People of Earth, one asks you now: When the hard working villain can no longer suppress the spread of Costumed Activists and they are allowed to spread free and unchallenged, who will these self appointed judges of morality turn on next? On people who watch and love Baseball, Football, and Hockey? Hard working citizens who love their country, and only want to give their children a happier future? On people who go to church, synagogue, temple, and shrine? When will their intemperance be too much for the people of a free world to bear?

LM: If YOU choose to rise up, and throw off this tyranny of their oppression, one asks only that you go to [insert website URL here] and cast a vote for Freedom! Cast a vote, and say NO! to the unjust persecution of a hard working, under represented minority! Vote: Villainy, and tell your friends.

[Over the top Audience Applause. Some sobbing for joy]

LM: Thank you, and good night.