The Most Evil Sandwich - OF THEM ALL!

Greetings and Lamentations, I AM Lord Malignance, and you WILL crouch before me now! (Villains excepted, of course)

Bludgeoning Trolls has been fun, but a distraction from greater work, and one sees we all need a break from the constant humiliation of Krampus. To this end, some recent finds, and the revelation of THE MOST EVIL SANDWICH OF THEM ALL. This is not, by the way, the MalignoTuna Sandwich, which horribly used Sour Cream instead of Mayonnaise because - "hey, both are white condiments". This having been later determined by peers to have been yet another "crime against humanity". As if the Hague can even think about taking ME before Darth Cheney.

1) Sword Kane is still experiencing difficulty, and would appreciate any monetary kindness you would care to send him. You may use your paypal account to forward funds to his email address swordkane@yahoo.com. If you have concerns about privacy, you may create a paypal account by any name (they are a stickler for address though) and purchase MoneyPak cards from Walmart, and send him what you may in this way.

2) One has been ranting about not finding enough information on the new season of Doctor Who. Then one found that you can purchase entire episodes from the iTunes store most reasonably at $2.99. This may hold you over until the series comes out on Amazon.com.

3) One has heard that if you text REDCROSS to 90999 a $10.00 donation will go to the Red Cross for assistance in domestic disasters, including the recent flooding in Tenessee. One is never sure if these things work, so a pinch of doubt and care to examine the information before you ever send money is in order.

4) Lord Malignance does not yet have "Instrument of Evil: Codename Cello" off the ground, but has made significant progress. Also, it appears Master Legend already has something going. AAAAAAGGHGHGHGHGH! They want a video for the application, and one wanted to provide the video AFTER one had a target to shill to. Lastly, one has been attempting to find a Colorado State Flag, however for some reason, these are turning out to be difficult to find. One believes this is because we're not terribly fond of our flag - we put a "C" on it for Colorado. Pretty much sums it up.

5) Cause and Effect: Without Bob doing dishes, and other housework, things have slowly fallen apart. Who knew he washed dishes? So now one is down to improvising. A bowl as a glass, a spatula as a knife, tongs as forks, etc. Bob by the way is nowhere to be found, and his rats are costing $140 a week to kennel... till the authorization to feed them to snakes is made... Except Bud, the Rat/Dog nightmare thing (by the way - Bud IS a rat, just a very, very, large aggressive rat, that barks). Bud is going to have to go to the zoo, as he appears to frighten all the other animals and people. Rats have notoriously short lifespans, so this issue may just resolve itself.

And now, one will reveal
the Most Evil Sandwich in the World;

The heroes have by no coincidence, the so called "Hero" sandwich, and like them, it is a gaudy, mishmash of leftovers thrown together in a haphazard way. Tasty, and it does the job, but you are left to despair over the incredible lack of style and distinction.

Villainy on the other hand, has the Reuben Sandwich. The ingredients? Simply Rye bread, Corned Beef, Swiss Cheese, Thousand Island Dressing, Butter for toasting, and Sour Kraut. Is there really anything more unwholesome than Sour Kraut?

The formula for the sandwich is easy enough, but as with a sandwich this complex and Evil, the devil is in the details. Only the finest ingredients should be used in any attempt. Mere Safeway components will not suffice. If you have a delicatessen near your house, you may find this treasure, and experience the sublime pleasure.

The finest Rye Bread - tangy, rich, and chewy must be found. The Corned Beef, from only a deli counter. Do not THINK of using anything from a package! Never overfill your sandwich with an ugly over abundance of meat, for you are creating art, as well as food. When purchasing Swiss Cheese, pay the extra for the finer cheese - it will have a smell, and the texture of industrial plastic - but the taste is far superior. Thousand Island Dressing is crucial, and one has no recomendation here, but your choice must be only the finest. If it can be created by the deli, all the better. Sour Kraut should also similarly be made, and not from package - your deli may also be able to assist you with this. After the assembly, and this is crucial - the sandwich must be lightly buttered on both outsides, and pan heated, to melt the cheese, and delicately brown the bread. Use only the finest butter, a rich European brand, or a creamy domestic salted alternative. You would not want to destroy your work with mere margarine - the shadow of butter with none of the substance!

Finally, serve on a plain white bone china plate with a side of Potato Salad, and set upon to play on your finest music reproduction device a selection of challenging Rachmaninoff, and savour the pleasures of enjoying the Most Evil Sandwich in the World.

You will be full afterwards, and it might be possible to experience a period of gastric distress - sometimes the Sour Kraut may be inferior, or the Thousand Islands Sauce too acidic. You should not plan on venturing forth, until you know how this sandwhich will sit with you.

Once you have experienced a Reuben Sandwich, all other sandwiches pale in comparison.

-Lord Malignance
Has not yet, and may never perfect this sandwich